Friday, 12 July 2013

A Love / Hate Relationship


I have a love/hate relationship in my life. What makes it important is that this person is around me all the time. The difficult thing is that this person has some traits that I really can't stand. It's just irritating. Worst of all, this person is... ME.

Could I even be a self-abuser? I have no trouble encouraging and supporting others to feel good about themselves and celebrating their differences and uniqueness. But I also think it's delusional for a person to just assume they're perfect. And there seems to be a lot of them about nowadays.

But what if you have the opposite problem?
Here's my dilemma. I want to be 'comfortable in my own skin'. I want to accept myself 'warts and all'. Some people even tell me that until I learn to love myself that way, I won't really be able to love others fully - can this be true? But how can I accept things about myself that are just plain wrong? Can I afford to be complacent?


Surely I should try and strive to change them. I don't want to be one of those many people I know who are so full of love for themselves that they don't seem to listen to their own conscience when they do blatantly wrong and selfish things.

But then again, what if I can't change? What if this is simply the way I am? Does me beating myself up really achieve anything?

Dear readers, I'm confused.

Can any of you relate to my confusion?
Does anybody out there have any advice for me?
In all seriousness - Do you truly like everything about your character?

I'd love to hear your comments, advice, views and opinions.

85 comments:

  1. Interesting post. Carl Jung once said that the most difficult thing in life is to accept ourselves fully(I don't recall his exact words).
    Let me say this. Just because there are things about yourself that irritate you, it doesn't mean that you need to hate yourself. On the contrary, loving yourself will encourage you to get better. I think it is important to accept yourself in order to change for the better. Hate causes resentment and anger. We don't need them. We need to trust ourselves that we will do our best. If we hate ourselves, then we will feel that we are hopeless and that there is no point in trying to get better.
    Love is at the heart of everything. If we love, we have patience and compassion. We can set healthy boundaries. Loving does not mean that everything is allowed. It means that we can move in the right direction in a healthy way.

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    1. I really, REALLY love your answer Julia!... :)

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    2. Julia, reading this made me feel much better. It's so true. If I allow hate to step in then slowly but surely this can lead to feeling hopeless and unhappy. Thanks mate.

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  2. Hi RPD - Haven't heard from you in ages.

    We all go through this dilema. In the end it is all we got - so we have to like ourselves for what we are.
    And it is good to beat ourselves up occasionally - it encourages us to be a better person.

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    1. I've been a little overwhelmed with things lately and trying to catch up with blogging as well. And the weather has been extremely hot in London - 30 degrees (I bet you're laughing at that), so had to get out to remember what the sun looked like.

      Yes, I think it's good to be honest with yourself at times but I've learned that if you beat yourself up too much, it can have a detrimental effect on your health, and that's what I feel I do sometimes. Nice to hear from you Lanthie.

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  3. Hi RPD, I can't say I necessarily liked my character all the time but the things that really irritated me about myself, eventually took a toll on me and I work very hard in changing them for the better. I find that the more I like who I am and feel the more I can deal with others around me. In the long run we are human and their will be days where some will feel conflicted within and with every thing around them, but for me it is important to not feel this way for too long.

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    1. If you meddle in negativity too long, there's a possibility that you might find yourself in a deep pit not being able to pull yourself back out again. I guess it's about making sure you are balanced in how you feel and what you are able to change at the time. Thanks My Meddling Mind.

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  4. Oh, RPD, you have hit on such a sensitive subject here and there is so much I want to say to you but I can't do it here---that would have to be a private conversation between us. I have always cringed at that saying, "Learn to love yourself and then you can love others." I think that's a crock of crap. I have loved many times in my life, and yet I have ridiculously low self-esteem. It has been very damaging in my life, and I have only recently been able to accept myself pretty much for who I am. It's difficult when you wake every day and dislike what you see in the mirror--and I'm not just talking about physical looks. Many, MANY times I have had trouble dealing with this love/hate relationship I have with myself. Blogging has really helped with my self-esteem though, because I am finally connecting with amazing people such as yourself and it's the main thing that has helped me this past year to accept who I am. It's an on going battle, my friend. Self loathing is all wrapped up with depression--they tend to go hand in hand. It's never to late to talk to a therapist or try medications---I finally did and I'll admit, I am better now because of it. I know this is not the solution for everyone but it has worked for me. Just something to think about. In the meantime, I believe you have my email if you'd like to explore this further. But I just want to say that I think you are a wonderful, talented person, and I wish you could see yourself as we, your followers do! Sending love and light your way. XO

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    1. Hi Menopausal Mama. I will definitely contact you privately and yes, I have your email details too. You have hit a cord with me in more ways than you think, in all that you have said here.

      Thank you so much for your kind words too. Speak soon. :)

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  5. Who would've thought that RPD would go through such dilemmas? Certainly not me :) I don't think I've seen you so confused.

    Anyway, from my own experience, I hate myself, I really don't like myself but it's not stopping me from getting attached and really love some people, like my best friends, two of them, I love them so much and can't imagine my life without them, I love many things and I'm sure as hell it's love. Not sure if we should or shouldn't love ourselves but at least we have to try to accept ourselves the way we are yet fight to become better people, that's an easy task if we know what's good and what's bad.

    Can ask you when is your birthday? :)

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    1. You'd be surprised what I've gone through Gabriel, and maybe one day I shall reveal much more.
      I understand about trying to become a better person, it's hard work though. Sometimes you just revert back to your old self.
      What's up with the birthday request, I'm curious? Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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  6. I think that as long as you can see your flaws, if I'm allowed to call them flaws, you have your eyes already wide open about yourself. That is always a good starting point in my opinion.

    And once your eyes are open, there is room for 'improvement', change. Change for the better, or a better version of you.

    The fact that you are thinking that there might be things about yourself you would like to have different, is already a sign for me that you do appreciate yourself actually...
    I believe that it's when you love yourself - not in a narcissistic or anti social way that is-, that you start thinking or think about becoming better and better. In the 'loving' way I mean... ;)

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    1. Thanks for the comment and good to hear from you Ziva. I personally know a narcissist who has nothing but pure love for themselves and everyone else is a pawn in their world to be used and abused, so I know what you mean.
      People have said that I am way too harsh on myself, and this has been said over many years, so I know there is an issue that I have to deal with for true.

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  7. I think there's danger on both sides of this road. Better to walk the middle.

    If you love yourself too much, how do you grow and change?

    If you hate yourself too much, you don't feel worthy of growth or change.

    Closer to the middle leaves room for change, and the ability to do so.

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    1. Karen, good advice and thanks mate. But its very hard to get back to the middle of things. And if I do get there, how do you know when I've crossed the line again?

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  8. For me I have had this love/hate relationship of myself too... I work all the time to overcome it and grow.

    I don't know what the answer is for other people, mine has been to write, exercise and help other people.... I still have my days where I am feeling less then worthy but those days don't last as long as they used too.

    I hope you find what will help you to feel better too... keep searching and never give up. I love your candid posts :)

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    1. Launna, I will do my best to keep looking for answers all the time. It seems you have found a good coping mechanism by keeping yourself healthy, and by helping others. I like it. Thanks for sharing your views.

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  9. I don't think I'll ever like everything about my character, but I doubt a single lifetime is enough to change completely all the things I'd like. On the other hand, being comfortable with yourself is a sure way to enjoy things. So I say, strive for better, but enjoy yourself, too.

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    1. Makes sense to me Shelly, but just gotta get it into that brain of mine. Thanks for taking the time to comment and I'm looking forward to the next part of 'Escape'.

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  10. RPD, you pose a real, deep psychological drama that comes from the mud that composes us.

    I know I cannot give you any advice, or guide, if somebody may play the leader it should be you.

    I can only tell you those trite, and hackneyed, common place things coming from a Self Help Book.

    It is true we are made unsure, and owners of many faults, this small truth came from Socrates, and the post Socrates philosophers since all those before only were worried about external and syncretic forces.

    The leading voices of 'Human Knowledge' have discovered that most of us are at fault in self-esteem. This dreadful finding pushed them outside of their skin in the immense task to teach us to "love ourselves" as the base to love 'anything else'.

    The crusade backfired, as it always does when human behaviour is the issue, in the extreme conception of self-love being the sole existing feeling with the exclusion of anything else.

    Western civilization developed into a competitive self- destructive society, with limited privileges and too many takers, so the need to believe in our unique value over the other persons was, and is, prevalent, since if it is not, doom is the end for that reckless person.

    There is only one way to scale this mountain and do not fall into the precipice of selfishness:

    People should try to get better as they live, and meanwhile, as they MUST live within them, try to find a way to accept their shortcomings. Make a truce with their soul until they find a new horizon or the end line is crossed.

    Poor viewpoint, I know, but I am not smart enough as to find a new way to make balance between our good and evil parts.

    If you reached this point, and do not felt the need to flush all this nonsense, you are a very good person, you know, even if you cannot see it! :)

    BTW, have you seen The End II, in my blog?

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    1. This kind of shows how hard the task of self-acceptance is though, right? If even the 'civilization' within which we live gives us mixed messages which engender competition and selfishness. I think I'm up against more that I realised at first when I wrote this post but I'm encouraged by all my blogging friends to stay in the struggle to deal with this thing.

      Od, I've been so rushed off my feet recently that I haven't seen the End ll yet (to my shame). I will make sure that I do that within the next couple of days. The End 1 was so good.

      My dear and faithful blogging friend Od Liam has written an amazing story called The End. I hope that all my readers will do me a big favour and visit his blog and let him know your thoughts. It's a brilliant read. You can find him at:

      The End - Part 1

      Thanks for the comment mate.

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  11. Sure, there are things I don't like about myself. Many of these things I know I can change. But I've got a lot of great qualities, too -- things I like about myself, things that make me proud. We can't all be perfect, nor can we expect perfection from other people. That doesn't mean we can love ourselves.

    Let me as you this: Do you love anyone who isn't perfect? If so, why? How are you able to love them if they aren't perfect? You know I'm being facetious, but if you apply that same logic to yourself it seems easier to explain.

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    1. That's a good question Janene, and I know you're not being facetious. The answer is so obvious that I love imperfect people so why not love my imperfect self.

      The problem is this, if I'm going to be completely honest - it's a lot easier for me to recognise, speak about and celebrate the qualities in others than my own, though others assure me I have them. I even think this is also something to do with the British culture of being modest, self-effacing and at all costs not having a 'big head'. Thanks Janene.

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  12. Rum-Punch Drunk, I understand. I believe many of us feel the same way. There are some things I like about myself and I feel comfortable with, and there are other things I totally dislike about myself and wish I could change. I think we all have a love/hate relationship with ourselves to some degree. Anyone who thinks he or she is perfect is, to put it bluntly, self-delusional. And I know some people like that too.

    As far as advice, I can say that the more I lean toward trying to love myself, the more positive I feel. And feeling positive then makes me feel better overall about the things I dislike about myself. We all have traits we’d like to change and it’s great to work on changing them, but not to the extent that we drive ourselves crazy trying to achieve that change. Some things really can never be changed, and those are the things we need to try to accept. It’s all about finding balance in our acceptance of ourselves. As Will Shakespeare said, “This above all, to thine own self be true.” To be true to ourselves is to realize that we can strive to improve but some things may not be able to change, and so it is what it is, be true to who we are. Good discussion!

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    1. I guess part of my error relates to the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I like things to be done right, honestly and fairly. Because I feel I have a standard that I expect from those around me, I then apply that same standard and more to myself. No harm in using that shovel on others sometimes but I'm also willing to use that rake on myself. Always good to hear from you JerseyLil and thanks for the advice.

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    2. RPD, I actually tend to be a perfectionist too, I hear ya on that! :)

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  13. First of all, I'd like to say that the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. If we don't care about the person (the person that we are specially), it's easier to shrug off all of every negative thing about that person, they don't really matter. But if we love the person, we care.

    And because we care, we start to find ways to make things better for that person. To change what is needed to change, and to keep what is needed to stay.

    We need to accept the person that we are. It is through this acceptance that we would be able to understand more about who we are as we try to make a better version of our own self by keeping our line open and by allowing more rooms for what is needed to improve.

    Learning to love your self, as what the song by George Benson goes, is the greatest love of all.

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    1. It's easy to love someone else with their warts n all, but it's far more difficult (maybe not for everyone) to have that same love, affection, care or whatever it's called towards your own self.
      I can accept who I am as a person, but 'that' person has parts of them that needing changing, fixing, modifying etc.

      I just love George Benson. I must try and hunt down some of his music. Thanks for the advice Napoleon.

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  14. I've struggled with this exact same issue all of my life. A friend of mine in highschool once called me an "Emotional Sadomasochist." I already know I have a temper, but I also have a very very deep sense of 'darkness.'

    Many times in my life, someone has taken just a look into my eyes, and ran away as fast as they could. There is a darkness within me. I acknowledge that. And honestly that was the first step.

    I learned a very hard, yet EXTREMELY important lesson in life. Those who can appreciate the darkness, embrace it, can better appreciate and embrace the good in life.

    I had to accept myself for who I was, not change. I have dark feelings, I am underhanded and manipulative, and my temper HAS to be held in check. But in the end, its part of who I am.

    They are extensions of my own passion, of my own imaginative mind. Its one of the reasons I NEED to write, because I can get it all out of me.

    On the flip side, this also makes me more passionate about things I love. Sunsets, photography, my wife, happiness, my writing, even love making. I attack all these subjects with the same furiousity that I channel into my hatred, or my abuse of stupidity.

    When you approach the term, "Love yourself," don't look at it as, "you have to be good enough to love yourself," you just have to look at it as, "I have flaws, but I accept myself for who I am." That is the overall key to everything. After that you can build on it.

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    1. 'Emotional Sadomasochist', wow man, you sure did leave an impression on your mate.

      Ok Dan, a quick question. If you accept yourself for who you are without trying to change, especially in light of what you mentioned about having 'dark feelings, being underhanded and manipulative'. Are you then saying that those traits are good enough to be kept, and because it's 'extensions' of your own passions, that is who you will always be?
      And, only those like you will be able to see the good in it and those not like you, will not?
      I might have read your comment wrong though.

      Thanks for being so straight forward and honest Dan.

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  15. RPD... Again, I am blown away at the intellect on this Blog. Each week, you present such 'mind benders' for us and your 'faithful' are certainly up for the challenge. If one wants to learn something, this page is a good place to start.

    I think the very first comment from Julia hits the nail on the head. And from there, each comment that follows, in their own perspective, gives great insight into your question.

    I think Karen has a very valid point in that walking somewhere 'closer to the middle' of both sides is a good spot to be in.

    Another awesome Post. Have a great week, Slu

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    1. Slu, first of all, thank you for your kind words. If you could see me now, you see the blood rush to my head (embarrassed) by your first 3 of lines.

      But, as you also say, the credit needs to be shared across all those who make valuable contributions.

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  16. I know this sounds capricious, rpd, but I don't think about myself. At least not as an object to be judged, measured or analyzed. I have no desire to better or improve myself. I simply live each day and try to be happy. I consider all self-analysis to be a form of masochism, of self-torture, and I refuse to do it. I prefer to look at the world rather than in a mirror.

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    1. You're a very different person NP. I would call you 'happy-go-lucky'.

      Now, I know you might not care what others think about you personally but has anyone ever pointed out flaws in you, or negative traits in you which caused you to at least stop and think about changing your ways?

      Thanks as always for commenting Nothingprofound.

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    2. If anyone did, it probably went in one ear and out the other. I don't take that sort of thing seriously.

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  17. I've struggled with self-acceptance for most of my life. I'm still looking for answers.

    One thing I enjoy doing is praying--not to god, mind you, but to myself. Sounds weird, but it's a technique I learned from Joseph Murphy's book, called The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. Praying has definitely helped me come to better terms with myself.

    I wish I could say solving this problem was as easy as just "accepting yourself, flaws and all" but it's not. You have to adopt a whole different mindset, and that takes time, effort and dedication. Personally, my mindset is the complete opposite of Nothingprofound's: I accept my flaws, but I'm continuously striving to improve myself and eliminate these flaws. Personal growth and life improvement make me feel...alive.

    Well, that and video games.

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    1. Thanks, Jkweath. Just a quick question - if you're praying to yourself, how does that count as praying? I'm always curious to know things but as I always say to everyone, you don't have to answer.

      I also agree about time, effort and dedication. It definitely involves striving. But if a person doesn't value themselves where can they find that motivation? It brings us back to Napoleon's point. Thanks so much for your comment.

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  18. Another thought provoking topic, Rumpunch. Sounds like to love or not to love, more like between couples. Anyway, this feeling exists in some of us for reasons that we're aware of or not. For instance, I'd love myself for the good deed I do for others, while at the same time I'd hate it if I could not carry out my duty well. There is the conflict of feelings here but in order to get my day going, I'd opt for loving what I'm doing and feel good about it.

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Balqis.

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  19. Intriguing, as always... The practical part of me says write a list of things that you don't like and that CAN be changed, and do something about them, a little at a time. Then, list the things you can't change - and burn the list! Give yourself permission to be human. Easier said than done - it has taken me a lifetime to give myself permission to show myself mercy, where none has been shown or modelled. The spiritual part of me says entrust your truest nature to your truest champion, who loves you as is, but also loves to radically redeem all that is lost, broken, and damaged! I think learning to love yourself is a process, as with any other thing worth attaining. Baby steps - freedom awaits! As always, you provoke thought - a very good quality, one for the 'keepers' side of your list. :)

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    1. Thanks for the pointer, Melody. A useful inroad to get started on such a huge task.

      What's really got me thinking about what you wrote though was the thing about mercy being shown or modelled. Perhaps that takes me back to where this comes from. If mercy is learned, I wonder where I had the chance to learn it from... I'm not sure if I had a good 'education' in that area. Hmmm...

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  20. My friend,

    I have sensed a dilemma from you. And your comments recently on my blog have reflected some pondering.

    I wont go into a load of jargon. I would say that our environment does impact on how we see ourselves. I don't think that anybody can say they love every facet of themselves. If they said that, they would be only kidding themselves.

    You say that you have no trouble supporting and encouraging others. Perhaps you should listen to your own advice. Indeed, what's so very wrong in showing the world your warts and all? There is no shame in knowing there are aspects of you that you don't like. It's what you do to change them to make you feel comfortable with who you are.

    I'm mostly comfortable with who I am. I have faults and I do my best to balance it all out. I am transparent and if anything, I find that most people appreciate my candour. You, my friend, are not unique in what you are experiencing. You have choices. What will you do, my friend?

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    1. I think you would acknowledge that what you advise here would take a special kind of courage. Not the courage of the person who jumps out of a plan, but the courage of a person who is not afraid to expose themselves and stand naked before others. I don't say that lightly, because there is a kind of naked exposure in baring your soul. But it's as though that kind of courage only comes from being comfortable with yourself in the first place, which is kind of my dilemma.

      I really want to grasp the nettle and take the bull by the horns as you encourage me... but... will I... won't I...?
      Thanks mate.

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  21. I beat myself up all the time. I doubt just about everything I do. I have chronic poor self esteem and am neurotic because of it. I think when you doubt yourself, you are open to taking advise and learning new things. You're probably inquisitive and never settle for adequate. I think most writers are insecure.

    Sure, it probably makes you crazier than the average human, but you're probably a lot more fun and interesting to hang out with. I've been married for 30 years. So, not fully loving yourself in order to have a satisfying relationship is bull crap. Though I do drive my husband crazy.

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    1. I'd like to think that I'm fun and interesting to hang out with... but I have the suspicion that the only bit that applies to me is the crazy part! Only joking, of course! I'm now wondering just how many writers are insecure with what they do and I'm definitely inquisitive by nature.

      30 years of marriage? Good for you and I hope you do another 30. Marriage is a dying institution these days so congratulations for sticking it out and I'm sure you've been through a thing or two.

      Nice to hear from you Lauren.

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  22. There is a lot of things in my looks that I really want to change, but I couldn't do anything about it. It is how God created you and me and I cant complain to the creator:) we are all unique and just think of all the good things you like with yourself.

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    1. Looks - don't get me started on that one! That's a whole other blog topic...and I did a post on this a while ago. Please feel free to take a look and let me know what you think.The link is:

      Plastic Fantastic

      Thanks for your comment Joy.

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    2. Been there and made a comment:)
      Thanks for visiting and the heartwarming comment. Bless you dear.

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  23. I mean there are lots of things. Sorry for my wrong grammar. That is one thing I want to be better.

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  24. Let me answer by asking the same question to myself...
    Do I truly like everything about my character?? The answer is NO.
    One day, I can be very good and loving and joyful and highly motivated and then on another day, I can be so bad and gloomy, and annoying etc....
    So what's the problem with me? I may ask...Perhaps knowing oneself is a lifetime process. Though sometimes I would pressure myself to become better each day, and each year but I just can't....... So I would rather ask myself to be at least 'good' today and think about my deficiencies or failures in the future....

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    1. You know what Ric, what you say here is true. My feelings towards myself aren't a constant at all. Some days I really can't stand myself and others I'm... well, pretty tolerable. I wonder if this is performance based or more to do with the mood I'm in. I'm going to need to think some more on this.
      Thanks for getting me to think more on this Ric LifeNCanvas :)

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  25. It took me a lifetime to come to grips with myself and finally like me for me. I think this is a problem most of us have. Hmm, why you might be normal.

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    1. Normal, huh? I've been accused of a lot of thing in my life but never for being normal Donna. Now that's a turn up for the books! Ha ha! Thanks Donna.

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  26. RPD, my favorite exchange from Bridget Jones' Diary explains how I feel about myself:

    Mark Darcy: I like you, very much.
    Bridget: Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and... ah, the verbal diarrhea.
    Mark Darcy: No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

    I think that sometimes, we view ourselves through the eyes of others, and not much good or helpful ever seems to come of that. The qualities that I've disliked about myself have usually been the result of criticism from others, not from me.

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    1. I just love that film Helena. Constant negative criticism from an early age can play it's part in how some of us feel today.

      Although there are a fair few people I haven't got on with, on the whole the things people say about me are far more positive than the things I say about myself. To the point that I sometimes ask myself if they really mean what they say or are they just being nice.

      Thanks for the comment Helena.

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  27. Ciao RPD,
    well, your blog is really interesting and would need to deserve more that than what I can afford... you are so interesting RPD !
    In a few words.. I believe all of us are unique.
    yes, it takes time to accept ourselves, this is quite normal, try to keep your self and sooner or later you will find your way..
    it's a difficult life, that's the problem.
    Difficult to give suggestion to other people, I am not so good in this, but try to be more relaxed, take it easier , all the best. ciao

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    1. Ciao Massimo. Be more relaxed and take it easier, ha? Hmmm, I think this may be easier for an Italian such as yourself than it is for a Brit. We don't tend to be as good at it as you guys. But we do make a better cup of tea! Ha ha!
      Grazie cmq, amico :-)

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  28. Really??? I always thought that it's only me who has this problem of not liking some of your own traits. Welcome to the Gang!! :p
    Yes, there are few of the things I don't really like about myself. And I dont think nothing helpful can be done in this direction. Obiviously, I love my thoughts and myself a lot.. but I accept that I have some flaws. And funny thing is I am fine with it. I just want some people around me to get ok with this trait of mine.
    Anyways, Your are a beautiful person RPD!! I can bet on that. :)

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    1. Esabella. Now you've given my troublesome brain a thought. All the people like me could become a gang and hunt down the people who like themselves. We could kidnap them and tell them negative things about themselves until they become like us ha ha? (Joking) And thanks for the compliment.

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    2. I doubt RPD there are many people who would go deaf but would never accept that they lag somewhere!! Self Obsessed ones. :)... Like they say, "... you can not wake up the person just pretending to sleep!"
      I think you can post another blog on this issue too!! :p

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  29. Interesting; very interesting. To tell you the truth, I am quite comfortable with myself. There isn't anything I am consumed with changing about myself. But--I am always trying to become a better person. Mostly, I am always trying to become more like Christ. In that area, I fail quite often. And even if I were to live here another 50 years, I would never totally get there. But this is all part of my spiritual journey.

    We all have character flaws. In dealing with them, we must have some valid standard of measurement because we tend to be subjective, and it can be hard to see our own faults as they really are. I know people who are such a turn off to others, but they either live in denial or they honestly don't have a clue. So an objective assessment is vital. Of course, for me, the Bible is that standard by which I judge my character and its flaws.

    Then we have to be willing to make those necessary changes where we can, and in those other areas we pray and ask God to help us to change, and to love ourselves and others in spite of our shortcomings. This is by no means an overnight process but it has worked pretty good for me.

    I am a firm believer that the better we can live with ourselves, the better we can live with other poeple.

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    1. As a system of measurement I think the bible sets a high standard. Anyone comparing themselves with that is always sure to find some room for improvement. I suppose that's where the Christian message of forgiveness and God's acceptance comes in to rescue the believer from despair!
      Always good to hear from you Frank :)

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  30. RPD It helps me to feel better about myself when I pay attention to all the things I should be grateful for.
    No one is perfect. If I can accept others in spite of their flaws then why shouldn't I accept myself?
    But there are times when I just can't do this. I wonder how things might have turned out if I did not GET IN MY OWN WAY!
    It's just being human I guess.
    Your friend,
    John M

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    1. Getting in your own way. That's so true John. Sometimes we do trip our own selves up. This is where I agree with everyone who said that a BALANCED awareness of where there is room for improvement is useful. It not only stops our bad actions from affecting others, but should also enable us to live happier lives.
      Thanks John.

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  31. I believe that we just have to do the best we can knowing that somedays shine brighter than others. I agree with John M that "no one is perfect," and it seems that you've done a terrific job of overcoming adversity. RPD, it also helps that you have a great sense of humor which comes in handy in most situations.

    Julie

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    1. Thanks Julie. Humour can be such a great coping strategy, for those occasions when, like they say, it's either laugh... or cry! And I've had more than my fair share of those moments too.

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  32. I feel for you. Being BiPolar, I do battle similar issues. The best way I can cope with things is to compare it to sunrises and sunsets. They will always happen. Threat yourself well. enjoy that wonderful weather you've been having and keep grillin!

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    1. It must be a hard struggle for you, Charlene. I admire your courage in not just giving up but putting your creative talents to work with your cooking and blog.
      Thanks for the advice. I'll try to be good to myself - and being kind to my stomach by getting grilling is a fantastic place to start!

      Thanks for the cooking tip for my jacket potato because I don't have a lid on my miniature bbq :)

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  33. That's just normal. I've always wanted to change some qualities about myself and I haven't been able to do so. Also I still can't accept the fact I'm deaf. I do not like it that I can't hear what's going on. We are just not perfect and never will be.

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    1. I feel there's a huge difference - Between knowing something can't be changed and accepting this.

      I don't suppose this applies to deafness or maybe I'm wrong, but in the area of character flaws there's always that nagging voice that says 'if I just try that little bit harder'. It can create so much frustration. Good to hear from you Deaf47.

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  34. Hey, we all have our imperfections. Some days we accept who we are warts and all, and other days we get all bummed about them. If some of the things you don't like about yourself can be changed for the better than make a plan to do it. If not, then focus on the things you like more about yourself. Cahnge and acceptance are not always easy, especially when it's ourselves we are dealing with. Good luck in your search for self happiness.

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    1. Thanks Phil. Today is a good day. The sun is already shining and I awoke with a spring in my step. Like you said, I shall do my best to focus on the nice things about myself. Nice one mate, good advice.

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  35. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. Simple as that. If you cannot change it, why worry about it? Might as well be pissed that you can't fly

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    1. Welcome to my blog Poster. If it was that simple I'd do it in a heartbeat, no question. Thanks for the comment and hoping to hear from you again.

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  36. None of us are perfect that's what makes us unique individuals. Celebrate and focus on the positives and enjoy the sunshine. That always makes me feel better.

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    1. I'll do my best to focus on what is good Suzanne, and the weather right now in London is gorgeous who can complain. The best summer in 6 years, phew. Thanks for the comment.

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  37. Are the things you don't like about yourself changable? There are a few things I don't like about me either.... Let me know if you figure out how to change them.

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    1. I can't be 100% sure that I could change every single fault, flaw, negative thing about me, but I still think that some things are changeable. So far, I've had a lot of good advice from the readers here, so I'm sure 'where there's a will, there's a way' as they say. Nice to meet you My Journey With Candida and thanks for commenting.

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  38. Ha ha ha!

    I'm one of those lucky people who never doubted my own love for myself, farts and all. When I do something dumb, that's it. I did something dumb and I try to learn from it.

    I also never had to "find myself" cuz I'm right here!

    As far as truly loving somebody, no problem, especially if they have a nice set of hooters.

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    1. Dear Agent Timothy, thanks for stopping by. Does your phone have a ring tone like Jack Bauer's? Only joking of course. I too find the concept of finding yourself a little strange. I think some of it stems from people struggling to come to terms with their own ordinariness. They assume that something exceptional must be in them somewhere if they could only find it. Good to hear from you and welcome Timothy.

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  39. Rum! Dude don't beat yourself down about changing! You are who you are in this world and changing the way you are is very hard as the minute you let down your guard you are right back to your old self! Just be yourself brother and if others do not like who you are then that is too bad! Just keep it moving!

    Keep rising bro!

    Jose

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    1. Thanks for words of encouragement Jose. But my problem isn't so much what others think about me. It's more the things that I actually don't like about myself even without anyone there to tell me or judge me. This is a little tougher to deal with. Good to hear from you again mate :)

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  40. I was like you then I changed myself. When I was like you people use me as doormat but its really important to love yourself to get respect from others but that doesnt mean that you become arrogant and hurt others . Love yourself and at the same time never forget your principles , your roots. All the best to you :)

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    1. Thanks Shainee, and always good to hear your views.

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