Friday, 18 October 2013

Author of Your Own Destruction

'Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn' they say. But this was a clear case of cutting one's own throat, without seeing it coming. 

Boy meets girl, they fall in love and get married. All seems well for a season until he is forced to tell his unsuspecting wife he's been having an affair during their 26 years of marriage. He then abandons wife for a new life with his mistress. Gulp...
Well, I'm sure she would have felt like any other woman. Shocked by the sudden announcement, betrayed because she knew nothing about it. Hurt because the affair was with someone she knew. Humiliated, angry and bitter that her private life was about to go viral as 'news' in the media for all to see. I guess she might have felt a little revengeful. Who wouldn't?

Now, the estranged wife had plans, but she had no idea of the price she would pay.


She waits a while then states to reporters that a few years ago, to avoid her then husband being prosecuted for a speeding offence, she falsely told police that she was driving the car that had been caught by the speeding cameras. In other-words, she accepting driving licence penalty points incurred by her husband. Well, let me tell you this in a nutshell and to cut a long story short. 

ALL hell breaks loose, everything goes public. Both herself and husband get arrested. She now needs a defence and states she was coerced by him. The jury doesn't accept it, they both get charged with perverting the course of justice and end up with an 8 month prison sentence. She was recently released after serving 2 months and has to wear an electronic tag on her ankle and abide by a curfew until the end of her sentence. 

This actually happened. He was the high profile UK politician Chris Huhne who was married to Vicky Pryce. 

Now, I'm not here to discuss their case, but was rather making a point about being the Author Of Your Own Destruction. I can't imagine for one minute that she would have spoken out in this way knowing what the consequences would have been. Nobody in their right mind would set themselves up to be shamed so openly, then end up in prison. 

So my question to you is -
Have you ever done anything in an act of revenge that backfired in your face?
Have you ever willfully divulged secret information because your relationship with a person turned bad?
Have you ever set someone up in revenge and then sat back and watched your plans unfold with a smile on your face? 

I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.

78 comments:

  1. The worst thing I have done is to clean the toilet bowl with an ex's tooth brush
    What sort of rebel am I?

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    1. Oh my days John, Your ex must have rubbed you right up the wrong way :( And now we know that when relationships end, it's time to buy a new toothbrush, thanks mate.

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  2. My boss was getting on my last nerve so after he commanded that I make him coffee when it was not my job to do so, I made it with a smile on my face and with phlegm from the back of my throat. Then I watched him drink it.

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    1. Oh no mate. I almost chucked up reading this too. I've seen so many hidden camera TV programs where they put bogeys in the food, or spit in the coffee sometimes for absolutely no reason or because the customer complained. It seems to be quick way to get revenge but did you feel happy as the days and weeks passed you by? Or did you regret it later in life?

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    2. Hey RPD, I felt very happy and remember it with a smile because boss was a bully and he did it for a long time. No regrets RPD, no regrets

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  3. I believe no matter what you try to do in revenge you will loose your battle anyway.

    What I did once was very stupid and made me later tell myself that I will never ever again do this. I didn't allow my ext husband to see our daughter for three months. And that was not fair. It was a long time ago, I am married again and I am much older and know that nobody can hurt you. It's only your ego which hurts you. In this story you wrote everything about ego!

    Excellent post!

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    1. Kaya, this happens a lot in relationship breakdowns, sadly, and it can deeply affect the children, who are always the innocent party, no matter what the grown ups have got up to. But as you insightfully point out ego is at the heart of it all. We can get so wrapped up in our own hurt, our own wounded pride, our own need to lash out, that we are blinded to all the consequences... even legal ones! Thanks Kaya.

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  4. Can't say as I have, and tales like this one are the reason why I stay away from it. I believe that what's sown is reaped, and those who do ugly things reap a foul harvest somewhere along the line.

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    1. You have a point Shelly. I always use to say 'you reap what you sow' and I've seen this in action many times. Some people spend every living moment plotting against someone else only for them to get their own downfall, just like the post.

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  5. Recently I sent an email to my brother explaining why I did not want to see him again. It felt good to get my feelings out but I was also sad that we could not find a way to be brothers for each other. I had to tell him how I felt. He won't respect my feelings, I still believe we are both better off now.
    Have a good weekend RPD!

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    1. Sometimes we do need to distance ourselves from certain people in order to keep or own sanity or to stop us becoming like them. It's always sad when it happens within the family, but at least you took the time to write and explain everything to him. Hopefully, he might stop and think about what you've said, and try to make amends. I hope it works out for you both in the long run John.

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  6. "Revenge is a dish that is best eaten cold". Wrong! Revenge is a dish that's best not eaten at all. Another saying is "revenge is sweet", but like many a saying that is parroted without thought, it isn't true either. Revenge achieves nothing; revenge is sour.

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    1. I think revenge can be very short lived because it's only for a moment then what do you do? The consequences and repercussions can last a lifetime. To use your analogy, the sweet taste lasts for a moment, but the bitter aftertaste can linger. Thanks Dennis.

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  7. There was a time when my ex girlfriend's new boyfriend had no tax on his car and I picked up the phone and... childish and embarrassng but worth it at the time.

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    1. Well, he shouldn't be on the road without any tax anyway, so maybe you done everyone a favour ha ha ha. And good to hear from you Roger. Hope you return again.

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  8. I can't recall ever doing ths but there's still time.

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    1. Remember this post Stephen. There's always a possibility that you can get really carried away and end up in jail and we wouldn't want that would we? If you start to get the urge, just walk mate. Listen to Phil's comment.

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  9. I have never done any of this. It's always better to be the better person, take the high road, and move on. The best revenge is living well, and then making sure later on that person knows it!

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    1. I like it Phil. We all have feelings of anger, hate or revenge when things don't work out but it's a good idea to channel it in the way you suggested. In fact, kill them with kindness.
      Nothing beats saving up all month to hire a Bentley for a day and slowly drive it up and down past your ex's house until they see you... or am I revealing too much here? Ha, ha ha ha

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  10. I've made an ass of myself a few times in life, and I can't say that it's ever resulted in satisfaction. In the end, you have to live with yourself and what you did, so why complicate your own life by exacting revenge on someone else? Revenge is always a stupid strategy.

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    1. You have a point Helena. After you have taken revenge, then what? It's short lived, you've done the dirty deed but it may stay with you for the rest of your life, eating away at you. Thanks Helena.

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  11. Replies
    1. Never? Not even a teeny weeny bit? Well that's good mate. At least you can move on quickly and that's good. Thanks Julia.

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    2. No, not even a teeny weeny bit.
      To be honest with you, I believe revenge is pointless because it perpetuates emotions of rage. It serves no purpose.
      I preserve my dignity by moving on and I try to stay away from people who try to wound me in any way. Life is beautiful so there is no point in dwelling in revenge. I may write about it but not out of revenge. I may write about it because I think we can all learn and grow from different life experiences...

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  12. I am not that kind of person who believes in taking revenge. :)

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    1. Never had the urge to do something against someone? I guess my reply would be the same as Julia's. You're good Aunt Mary.

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  13. Hi Rum Punch! I don't think I've ever been betrayed so badly that I would resort to this. Thank the Lord. But I read about this all the time. There was just a news item about a woman putting some garbage on Facebook about her ex-husband. When caught, she said she "didn't mean to" whatever that means.

    It's kind of an animal response to being hurt so deeply you don't just don't know how to hurt someone back in the same way. I would imagine that I would be the kind of person who would fold in the pain, not strike out. At least I hope I would...it's certainly not worth jail time, ankle bracelets and all the hate. Sheesh. What a sad story.

    Interesting question for a Saturday morning! I need some coffee. Have a good weekend RPD !
    Ceil

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    1. Yes, facebook is one of the places I've heard about where people seem to want to air a lot of their 'dirty laundry' in public. I guess her words "didn't mean to" was a way to say she was upset and possibly now regrets it, especially if her ex-husband was thinking of taking some other action against her.
      Thanks again for stopping by Ceil.

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  14. Wow! What a tragic story. Luckily, I haven't done such a thing although in my past, I was tempted to do so. Thanks God that he reminded be that revenge was and still his:)
    Have a nice weekend:)

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    1. Yes, it's good that you didn't yield to temptation at the time Joy, because sometimes we don't take the time to think after we have been hurt and our initial reaction can be far worse than what we intended. Thanks for the comment Joy.

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  15. I can't say I've never done anything to get back at someone, I'm sure at some point in my life I must have. But as an adult I feel that whatever you do, consequences or not, is a reflection of you and not the person you're trying to hurt. So although I'm sure as a school girl or young adult I may have done so, I certainly wouldn't now. Especially with kids who watch and emulate my behaviors and values.

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    1. Sometimes whilst we're doing all our rubbish we don't even think about the kids Karen, until it's too late. And most importantly, like you mentioned, what are we teaching our children to do? Take revenge every time something goes wrong in life, or whenever they get hurt? Good point mate.

      Also, It's so true that revenge reflects on the person taking it more than the victim. I know for sure that if Vicky Pryce hadn't done what she did, she would have been seen as being in the right and her husband as the villain. As it is she tainted herself and became a laughing stock to many... and in all the drama what her husband did has faded into the background. Thanks Karen.

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  16. Oh, I did something quite awful when I was young. I caught my boyfriend of one year with another girl. We split up briefly but she kept coming back after him. I set him up in a conversation saying some not-so-nice-things about the other girl and recorded the conversation without his knowledge. I then gave the tape to the other girl the next day. Needless to say, she stopped bothering us...but I felt kinda evil for doing it. Hey, I was REALLY young when I did this (forgive me!) and I ended up dropping the boyfriend anyway because he was a loser!

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    1. Thanks MM. Caught him with another girl? He's lucky you didn't do more MM. I'm sure the other girl felt bad hearing him say all that stuff behind her back when she thought he wanted her but I personally feel that you did her a favour, by showing her what he was really like anyway.

      Hopefully, he learned a valuable lesson after he lost both girls, and if only he could see you now :)

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  17. This sounds more like a made for TV movie! What an incredible story! This faintly reminds me of Woody Allen's, Blue Jasmine.

    Julie

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    1. Well, I think Vicky Pryce has already written a book about her prison experiences, but don't quote me on that as she's written about something, so I'm sure one day a film will be made. Thanks Julie.

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  18. I've never really had a huge backfire like that, but my mind invents them all the time. Its also kinda crazy to watch it happen, as I've watched many a revenge backfire.

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    1. It's what some people call poetic justice and I suppose we could find it in a lot of films and literature if we were to look. There's even a story in the bible about a man who ends up being hung on the gallows he built to kill others! Always good to hear from you Dan.

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  19. Hi Rum-Punch Drunk. I had not heard about that high profile UK case, that’s a doozy. An act of revenge really backfired there! I think revenge is a wasted emotion and no good can come from it. I’ve never done anything in an act of revenge that backfired on me (although I will confess to leaving a tack on the chair of a nun in grade school, but she found it before sitting down and never knew it was me lol!). I’ve never willingly divulged secret information because a relationship had turned bad, and never set someone up in revenge and sat back to watch plans unfold with a smile. Now to do that would be just plain cruel! I believe in the law of karma, what goes around, comes around. Enact revenge and one day that negativity will boomerang right back at ya!

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    1. I'm not sure what a 'doozy' is, but I hope this means that you found the situation interesting ;-)

      Karma's an interesting concept. It's like saying that the universe itself eventually makes each and every one of us pay for our wrongs in our lifetime. When I look at the world, though, I do wonder if that is actually the case! Thanks for the comment Jerseylil, and thank God that nun didn't find out it was you who put the nail there...

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    2. Hi RPD and sorry about “doozy,” I should have explained that one! I was using American colloquialism. Basically, it means something wild and out of the ordinary. Yes, I found the story of Vicky Pryce interesting and it’s amazing the extent some people will go to enact revenge.

      Karma is an interesting concept and I have no idea of its accuracy. Some people do good deeds, for example, and see the rewards in something good happening in their life. And vice versa for miserable people. Is this karma? I don’t know but could be. My dad always used the old adage about Doing unto others as you would have done unto you. To me that’s karma, and reason enough not to bother with revenge. Just in case! Yes, thank God that nun didn’t know I put the tack there LOL! Well, that would have been a case of instant karma when she got out that ruler!

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  20. I can't recall ever taking revenge on anyone. I might've meted out punishment for bad behavior, but not outright revenge.

    Guess I don't live dangerously enough. :)

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    1. Ha ha haaa! Not revenge, but punishment for bad behaviour, ha? I wonder if that's what those on the receiving end would call it? Nice one Maria :)

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  21. rpd, my answer to all three questions is no. I've never been a spiteful or vindictive person. Revenge is like a fire which consumes everyone it touches. I've seen too many lives ruined by not being able to let go of the past.

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    1. It's true that, while you are in the process of plotting and taking revenge, you are still occupying yourself with that person and that situation. It's evidence that you haven't moved on and are holding ourself back from doing so. Renouncing revenge is a first step in moving forward. Thanks for stopping by NP.

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  22. Wow, that one really backfired. I have been thinking back, and I can't remember taking revenge as you have spoken of. I have felt like it a time or two. In fact, the sitiuation I profoundly remember involved a member of the last church I pastored. She had a real problem behaving herself in church. She loved to create friction, and it negatively affected my efforts to take the ministry forward. She definitely got under my skin a few times, but only God, my wife, and I knew about those times. As the Bible says, be angry but sin not.

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    1. I think I remember you mentioning this lady before. Sounds like she certainly did give your spiritual muscles a heavy workout. It's interesting that the bible acknowledges our right to feel anger about certain things, but also gives guidance on what we should and should not do with it. Anger itself is not a sin, and that works well with me. Thanks Frank.

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  23. I've never done anything llike that, I'm too scared to do something bad to others, I believe in Karma, so I just let it happen. Hi Rum! you've hurdled your writer's block, just like what I mentioned in My Blogging Space post , just look at the window and sometimes you'll get your inspirations. Have a great day :)

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    1. Yes, I managed to think of something this time, let's hope we keep writers block at bay. It's horrible when it strikes!
      Your comment, and a few of the others above remind me of that famous saying 'if you sit by the bank of the river, sooner or later you will see the bodies of your enemies float by'. In some cases I can say this is true for my life. In others... let's just say they haven't floated past... yet... Good to hear from you Imee Tan.

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  24. My Man...

    To answer your 3 questions: No X 3 = No.

    Your story is so very interesting. Donna & I are studying a book on marriage at this time. Trust is huge in a marriage. But, so is Faith, Love, & Commitment. It seems as if some or all were lacking in the above example, which is obviously sad for all the participants, each of them hurt in one way or another.

    Feeling Blessed, have a great week, Slu

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    1. Unfortunately for Vicky, I think she did trust. Right up to the point when she was told she was being betrayed. If the story had stopped there, she would have had everyone's sympathy. But I guess she let her indignation get the better of her good sense. Nice to hear from you Slu.

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  25. Nice post with a great message RPD!! I believe taking revenge will never get you back- what you have lost. I would rather forgive, try to forget for good and move on!! But that will always be a "lesson learned" for me, and next time I will be careful and may be insecure to accept any such/new relationship.

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    1. What you say reminds me of a saying I heard throughout childhood. Two wrongs don't make a right. No revenge can win back broken trust or even repair hurt - so far as I can see. It just adds another drop of misery to a world already full of it. Really nice hearing from you again Epsita.

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  26. Well, I may have loosened all of the threads down the back of his suit jacket, under the arms and in the crotch of his pants.. Just so, ya' know, getting ready for that important meeting suddenly everything starts falling apart at the seams - literally! And he may have found a couple of itty bitty fish in his vehicle.. Or maybe he just smelled them.. I'm not sure. Hide n' seek was always a favorite of mine.. Nothing too ridiculously life altering but... I could have.. ;)

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    1. Ha, ha ha ha, I couldn't stop laughing at this one. I pictured you sitting there on the bed, taking hour after hour to undo the stitching just enough so it would come apart at the right moment, it's hilarious (hope you don't mind).

      Oh, the fish bits are deadly mate. That vehicle must have stunk for months and nobody would have known how to get rid of the smell until it died out itself. I wouldn't want to cross your path on a bad day, ha ha ha. Thanks for the comment. I'm still laughing though.

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  27. My friend, I have been tempted to get revenge. Although I know it would most likely turn out to be a disaster. I am deeply hurt that my then wife had an affair. An affair so in lacking of respect for me, that she got pregnant by him while still married to me.

    Yet, I am a man of integrity. Unlike that politician who would commit that crime in cahoots with then wife. Revenge? No. Sometimes I have to understand that some questions will never have answers.

    Thanks and my last two brain cells barely managed to comment. Gone two in the morning and I must be crazy.

    A good day to you.

    Gary

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    1. To tell you the truth Gary, I don't know how you coped with it all. Apart from dealing with the pain of an affair, you also had to deal with her getting pregnant in your face. And to follow suit, you ended up raising your child on your own. You're a better person than I am mate. I would have raised the powers of hell at the time.

      Continue to be a man of integrity Gary. I'm wondering if she really is in a better place now, or has she got severe regrets... regrets come to my mind. And make sure you get a good amount of sleep, otherwise you'll end up with carrier bags under your eyes mate.

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  28. From memory, I don't think I have ever done anything in an act of revenge on anyone. I believe in karma and that what goes around comes around.

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    1. That's a good way to be sometimes, because you'd be surprised what or where revenge can get you. Thanks Simone.

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  29. I've schemed before but never put things in motion because I always let faith prevail. I believe God is the greatest avenger and karma is definitely a b"""ch. I've watched my offenders fall to their own destruction every time. They never need my help:-) Receiving that apology phone call or email is always enough for me.

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    1. Wow, Nicole! So you've actually experienced apologies from the people who wronged you. I don't think that often happens. An apology would put the old forgiveness to the test but I'd like to think that it would put any resentment to rest. Thanks mate.

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    2. Oh yes! Not every time, but most times. They're usually men:-) Women would rather go to hell than admit they're wrong. Lol!

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    3. LOL, you've got me in stitches with that comment Nicole, ha ha ha

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  30. I think I am too much of a "good girl" to attempt anything but I can get pleasure it writing out a story that involves revenge if I really wanted to :)
    She really did cut off her nose to spite her face when she did that.

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    1. Thanks Diane, that's one way of getting revenge without harming anyone. Another way to fuel your creativity.

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  31. Can think of quite a few people I would like to take my revenge out on. But No - I'm not this way inclined. I forgive far too easily and done gold grudges.

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    1. I'm sure that anyone who has been in this world a while can think of one or two people who could deserve a little payback so having a forgiving nature is such a great advantage in life. Thanks for the comment Lanthie.

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  32. I believe in karma but I never dole it out... I don't even wish for it... I just know it will happen...

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    1. And sometimes it does Launna. Thanks for the comment.

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  33. I have never done anything out of revenge, and I hope I never do. Better to live and let live. Sadly, having an affair behind a spouse's back is, in my opinion, a heinous affair. If you don't want to be married to that person anymore, get a divorce and move on. That will hurt the spouse, but not as bad as finding out you have been having an affair.

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    1. Exactly. He was forced to tell her about the affair because the media was going public with the story the next morning, so he had no choice. I can't even imagine how shocked she must have felt. Nice to hear from you Donna.

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  34. They put people in jail for speeding? Don't they have enough real criminals filling up the prisons? In the US they let thieves and drug users go early because all the violent criminals are taking up too much space.

    Thanks for your good wishes on Klahanie's blog about my cover reveal. I appreciate them! :-)

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment Lexa. I really hope your book does well, and Gary is a true good guy.

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  35. what a mess this case !
    life sometimes is really hard , ciao

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    1. Yes, it didn't turn out the way either of them expected and sometimes we can make life hard for ourselves. Ciao Massimo :)

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  36. Been thinking about my experiences in the past ... and I don't think I've done something like that. I'm the 'silent' or passive type of person and oftentimes I would let go of those hurts or injustices made by other people.

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    1. You seem to be someone who is able to forgive others Ric, and move on, and that's a good trait to have. Thanks for the comment.

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