Saturday, 25 February 2012

Living In The Grey

To me this is a great video. It's about 'spending your whole life living in the 'grey'. 

Sometimes in life we don't seem to really fit into anything. It's like being a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. We all need an identity of some sort which enables us to find our niche, so to speak. It's no fun not knowing who you are, not knowing what your purpose is in life, not knowing if you should call yourself black or white, not knowing who your mother or father is or where on earth they are. 

Sometimes we just spend our entire life fitting and forcing ourselves into everybody's else's routine or lifestyle, daring not to speak out and say Hello my name is 'blah blah and this is who I am'. You just spend your whole life 'living in the grey'

Listen to the words carefully. It fully explains all  that I'm saying for this post. 

Shane Eli - Grey Area from Shane Eli on Vimeo.

Let me know your comments.........

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Daddy, Where on Earth Are You?

There I was listening to a show debating whether or not it was right that a 'gay' man should participate in raising his own biological child.  I almost fell off my seat, because not one of the callers of that show emphasized the fact that this man was in full time employment, financially independent, owned his own home, and wanted the opportunity to be a responsible, available father.
At times we can totally lose the plot and forget to focus on matters that are extremley important.

The word 'gay' threw people off into an out of control spiral, forgetting about the rights of a child and father in the mix. I've heard the God and homosexual argument a thousand times but this is where we need to be very careful. This is not a debate on this man's sexuality and whether God agrees (otherwise we would also have to question the morality and sexuality of the mother as well) it is clearly about a father wanting to take the responsibility for his own biological child. 

If the word 'gay' is such an issue in this case, then maybe we should also look at the actions of some heterosexual males.

How many heterosexual men simply plough their fields, sew their seeds then very quickly scatter?
How many more heterosexual fathers have deliberately chosen to take no responsibility over their own children? They either refuse to pay child support or claim to not have the funds to do so. They either fail to adhere to structured visiting arrangements or go missing for years then suddenly turn up on the doorstep, expecting to be embraced by mother and child, whilst in the meantime disrupting everyone's else's life.

Some of these absent heterosexual fathers have the audacity to turn up just for those special occasions ie: 16th, 18th, 21st birthdays, making a grand entrance as if they had participated in their child's life from the beginning. They didn't even buy the cake.

These same heterosexuals are the fathers who expect to walk their daughters down the isle with shameless pride, they expect to get a 'pat on the back' when they become grandfathers, they expect to be visited in hospital if their health takes a serious turn for the worse and usually have something nice to say on their death beds.
The children of some of these badly behaved men are more likely to abuse alcohol, have psychological issues, have poor educational performances and such like, according to various studies. 

C'mon, we really need to look at the bigger picture and what is in the best interest of every child on an individual basis, and not look at our own prejudices, biases and on occasions pretend it's what God has said.  A very high majority of gay men will tell you that both their parents were heterosexual and I'm not aware of any statistics that prove that gay men bringing up children makes their children gay, if that's what you are thinking.  

Saying that, there are many excellent fathers around who don't get enough credit for the role they play in their children's life. It's not my business to decide whether or not they are good enough fathers based on what they do in the privacy of their own bedrooms. If that were the case, then we would have an awful lot of children taken away from some of their mothers.

Daddies, where on earth are you?

Friday, 10 February 2012

Honesty - Is There Any Such Thing As A White Lie?

There really is no such thing as a white lie. You are either honest or dishonest, you either tell the truth or lie. Simple.

On a daily basis we make decisions based upon the information available to us at the time. If that information is partial or flawed in some way, the soundness of our decisions may be compromised, limited or affected. How many wars have been based on inaccurate or dishonest information? How many relationships have failed due to lies and deceit?

Relationships are based on trust, and trust depends upon honesty. If a person is dishonest with you about one single thing, don't you begin to call into question everything they have said to you in the past, and won't it affect their credibility in the future?

Dishonesty is a tool that we use to cover things up, a temporary measure until the s**t hits the fan, (so to speak). Once you use this tool, you find yourself on a never ending cycle of having to lie to cover up the previous lie, sometimes until the lie has eventually been exposed, leaving egg all over your face.
The moment you start finding yourself in circumstances where you have to go to such pains to hide what is being said or done, then you know you are being dishonest. 

Yes, the truth does hurt. But speaking or being told the truth with the right attitude, when it's not being used as an evil weapon, will give you the reputation for being honest. It takes away the burden of having to constantly be mentally on guard. 

I'm not asking everyone to make it their sole mission to expose every known truth, be it good or bad about every little thing. It's about being personally responsible in telling the truth when you find yourself in an awkward situation. You could choose to remove yourself out of that situation before giving an instant answer thus allowing yourself time to think and how to respond. You have a choice. 

Some people will coerce you to lie, sometimes on their behalf. But have you noticed they never do it themselves? The amount of people that will stand in a court room, big bible in one hand, swear on oath before God and then blatantly lie is beyond me. 

If you want people to tell you the truth, then tell the truth to them. 

No doubt at times you will create lifelong enemies, sometimes with a vengeful lust. That's their problem, not yours, continue to be honest. 

Presidents, Prime Ministers, Bishops, Kings, Managers, Queens, Pastors, leaders of all sorts have all lied and been openly dishonest in abundance at some time or other and NEVER has it done anything  but leave devastation and destruction in its wake.

Have you ever lied about something and bitterly regretted it?

Has someone else's dishonesty and/or lies ever affected you?

Can dishonesty be justified positively?

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Smacking A Child - Right or Wrong

Do you believe it is a form of discipline to smack a child when you know they are doing or saying something wrong, or is it just pure abuse of authority because you are unable to control your own temper?

I am of the persuasion that children are not always beaten or smacked in a fit of anger, but rather because the parents have no idea how to discipline, no idea how to raise a child or are just repeating the process of what their parents did to them.

I can clearly remember being beaten because I failed to make the right decision according to what my parent wanted . Beaten because I was too scared to answer my parent's question in fear of escalation and beaten if I had dared to answer back in defence, even when I was in the right. I was verbally abused and accused on a regular basis.

Can you imagine being told by a parent to go and fetch the belt, the one with the big buckle? Only then to be told that it is the wrong belt, and you have to now replace it with a larger belt? It's like handing the executioner his weapon.  Oh, I remember it like yesterday. Social workers? Hell no, my parent had full control over them too....

Most of this had nothing to do with my parent being angry or providing discipline for wrong doing. Rarely were those beatings due to any kind of bad behaviour on my part, although bad behaviour was the excuse used by my parent to justify their actions to us and to others. 

 With great confidence I can say that beatings were very common in the black community when I was growing up. In fact, it wasn't until I was a teenager that I realised this was not the norm in the wider non-black community. As an adult I further realised that the behaviour my parent portrayed was about abuse and control, and nothing to do with discipline.

With all that said, do I as a sensible adult believe in smacking a child ? Yes.

If you have given a child ample warnings, especially in situations where they could be in danger, I would have no issue with smacking them. But then, I clearly know the difference between smacking and beating.  Saying that, some children clearly will listen to your explanation and not repeat naughty  behaviour.

Tell me your experiences and/or comments as to whether you agree with Smacking Children.
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