You Poor Thing!

Well I guess it just has to be that important time again. Christmas and the New Year are done and dusted. The festivities have come to an end. Our bellies are full, our glasses are empty and so are our bank accounts. The sales have taken your last bit of money. Those overpriced gifts that we used credit to pay for are no longer appreciated. The kids have dashed the expensive toys on the floor. Your friends don't like the scent of the latest perfume you bought them and to make matters worse, the little black designer dress which cost you a month's pay no longer fits after the bout of over-indulgence.
 
And there you are right now, counting the cost and complaining that you don't have enough money to cover the mortgage/rent. You Poor Thing!
 
There you are, giving the kids the evil eye for requesting a lollipop, arguing with the wife about the ongoing bills. Robbing Peter to pay Paul trying to make ends meet. Oh you Poor Thing!
 
There you are, pleading poverty, looking for your dead grandmother's diamond ring to Pawn. Begging your own father to help you out because you are in dire-straights. Now his hard earned savings are to be dwindled on you.

But I just don't understand it anymore. Why do people subject themselves to conforming to what others do in society? That flexible credit card is not your friend and neither is it YOUR money. Why do people opt for 'buy now and pay later'? Didn't it cross your mind that your financial circumstances might change, especially during this economic downturn? Job today, gone tomorrow! Now you're off to the food bank. Well, you really are a poor thing now.
 
You thought you could create the perfect Christmas/New Year merely by throwing money at it. Now little Johnny won't have nowhere to put his Playstation because the house is gone!
After all, you've done everything you can to make sure your family/friends had a good time for a few days, but at the cost of the long term security. Isn't the whole year more important than those few days of indulgence?
 
'Waste not, want not' has become a 'can't wait, won't wait' world. Is this the kind of example you want to teach your children?
 
I'm not trying to blight anyone's fun. I'm not asking you to do nothing at all. I'm just saying, let's not ruin your own life by falling into a financial trap based on traditions. Count the cost mate!
 
So my question is:

• Have you ever over-spent during a holiday season and regretted it later?
• What pressurises you into being tempted to spend more than you've got?
• Have you ever had to dig yourself out of debt, and if so how did you manage this? 

I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.

Reflections

Well, not long to go now until 2014.
 
This is the time of year that I always reflect on my life, my thoughts, my decisions and most importantly -  ME. I look back on all the positives and negatives including what I've learned from them.
 
I ruthlessly assess my friendships/relationships and make uncomfortable decisions on who needs to go. Nobody wants to bring a back-stabber or someone who has no respect into their future do they?
 
I take a blunt look at myself, naked and aware. I look at my broken dreams and destructive habits and make conscious decisions to put them right.
I look at my attitudes to people and life. I checkout my forgiveness or lack of it on some days. I look at the things that caused me to stumble and why. I thoroughly go through the things that caused me to excel and how I can hold on to them. I look at what makes me unhappy and the ways I can change it for the better. I think about how I can make a difference to this world.

This year in particular I'm conscious of Nelson Mandela who did 27 years in prison. Look what he achieved afterwards! He could have caused a bloodbath to satisfy a lust for revenge but instead he didn't allow bitterness and anger to strangle his dream of equality. He made his freedom count. What am I doing with the time I have left? What are any of us doing? Our actions can have consequences, and some of them great.
 
For most of the past year... actually past several years... there has been something that has been suppressing my true identity and stifling who I really am. I don't want to go into it - the details may be for another post - but I've struggled enormously and only recently feel that I've been released and want to make the most of this freedom for the time I have left.

So my question to you is:
What old things would you like to leave behind as you head into the New Year?
What new things would you like to bring into your life?
Looking back over the past year what have been your greatest successes and/or failures?
 
I'd love to hear your views, comments or opinions.

Can Discrimination Ever Be Positive?

Ever heard of 'Positive Discrimination' or 'Affirmative Action'? Well, I've just found out that it's no myth! 

The term was coined by President JFK in America. The basic idea was that certain groups in society - in this case African Americans - had suffered such massive historical disadvantages and discrimination based on race, that they did not realistically have the same opportunity to succeed as everyone else. So therefore active steps needed to be taken to ensure that such minority groups were represented and hired in organizations, government and businesses. It's led to the adoption of hiring quotas (in some countries) in which a certain number must come from previously under-represented groups.

It covers a lot of areas from employment decisions, admission to educational institutions and even public health to name but a few. 

The claim is that 'reverse discrimination' - at least for a period of time - is the only way to restore complete equality in the long term. But is this the case?

On the surface it sounds simple, but in reality it actually means that if there is a lack of black people, for example, in a workplace, then in the event of 2 equally qualified people going for the same job, one black and one white, the employer opts to give the post to the black person from the underrepresented group in order to correct the balance.

No wonder many countries refuse it, as it seems tantamount to unequal treatment to many. They simply choose to treat all people the same.

How can people be preferred purely on ethnicity or origin? Doesn't this actually devalue the person's real accomplishments? I mean, isn't it a bit patronising? This policy could actually end up damaging the people it seeks to help because others will assume 'she only got the job because she was black or a woman etc, not because she was the strongest candidate'.

It also keeps people constantly aware of the barriers that divide us, creating more resentment between different groups, increasing rather than reducing racial tension. 

Perhaps you only agree with it when it is focused on one particular area and not another. For example - you may agree that more women should be seen in top positions, but not necessarily more disabled or ethnic minorities?

So I ask:

• Is Positive Discrimination a good or bad thing?
• Should employers in a multicultural society be forced to have a balance of different ethnicity or equal numbers of men and women in the workplace? 
• Have you ever been chosen over someone else based on your race, culture, ethnicity or sex?

I'd love you to share your comments, views and opinions.

Don't Be Shy

Pride, they say it comes before a fall. Fair enough I say, but what if it comes after an achievement? 

Us Brits are famous for our understatement but perhaps modesty and self-effacement can be taken too far. After all, how can we be encouraged to move forwards if we don't recognise what we have achieved in the first place? Is it so bad to be extremely pleased or overjoyed with what you have accomplished in life? Is that being proud in a negative sense?

I'm not asking you to make yourselves the centre of attention every single day. Or in every situation to constantly and forceably brag about your lifetime achievements. All I'm asking is, that you give yourself a good pat on the back, and not feel afraid to say what you're good at, or what you succeeded in doing in life against all the odds.

Let's not be ashamed to celebrate positive pride. Grab a beer or your favorite tipple, take the load of your feet, and tell me all about it. Don't be shy.  

So, what are your proudest moments or achievements in life?
What is the most successful thing you have done against all the odds?

Or feel free to leave a link if it's something you've already written about.

I love to hear your comments, views and opinions. 

The Abusive Church - Part 2

Busy doing Nothing

Before you knew it, and regardless to your day-job, every spare minute was being taken up with evening church activities. Mondays were ordained as a free day, Tuesdays was choir practice for those who wanted to be tormented by the Pastor's rude, authoritarian son. Wednesdays was bible study where you were constantly bombarded with information and any poignant questions would be danced around until the lesson had finished. Thursdays was Cell Group where the church folk met in each other's homes on a rota basis. Fridays was youth meeting, followed by cleaning the church and then all-night prayers until 3am. Saturdays was street evangelism and Sundays was church from 8.30am to 10pm. 

Non-attendance of these meetings was frowned upon. People were exhausted and tired. You were discouraged from attending private family functions or events not related to church or having associations with unsaved friends. 'God' had to be put first. Any complaint would result in you being labeled as a weak and lukewarm Christian.

Warning 3

The key tactic here is to keep people constantly occupied and distracted. You don't have any time to think, decipher information or do any research for yourself. If your ability to think is taken away, you are more likely to accept information given to you. 

Money money money

We gave money constantly. At every meeting, at every church service, sometimes 2 or 3 times in one day. We tithed 10% of our gross income and there were additional times when we were told to give a 'sacrificial' offering, even if we didn't have it, so that you could be 'blessed by God'. I saw that offering basket more times than I saw my own family. We were told that if we did not give our money it was as if you were robbing God. Now, the bible has a lot to say about giving to the poor but I never heard the leader breathe a word about that. What was actually going on with hindsight, was that he was accepting money from a load of people with far less than him. The opposite of what the bible says. 

That church was freezing in the winter and the roof was always leaking. But I guess that's what happens when bad money mismanagement comes into play. Or was it?

Warning 4

People should be free to give. The minute there is an element of pressure, guilt, blackmail or even bribery ie: 'give so that God will bless you', alarm bells should be ringing loud and clear in your head. God doesn't work that way.

Behind the Mask

This pastor was one hell of a force to be reckoned with. He was extremely charismatic and well known within the community. He was liked by many people who were not part of that church and he played the Jekyll and Hyde game very well. One of his tricks was to suddenly and openly tell the congregation on a Sunday morning that God has spoken to him, and some unlucky bastard was to be ordained as a leader ie: missionary, evangelist, elder, teacher, deacon etc. In reality he was falsely giving you a formal position within the church by name only. You actually had no authority, influence or power at all. Obviously you were not allowed to refuse that position because it came from God. I was unfortunate enough to be given a title which meant more meetings and more of an insight into the politics going on behind the scenes. 

Shunning  

I remember the case of a very well respected and extremely popular leader who got on very well with the Pastor and his family. 

At a certain point they wanted to step down from one aspect of their duties after a few years. The Pastor tried to persuade them not to and refused to give his blessing. When this leader politely stuck to their guns the Pastor ominously said 'OK... we'll deal with this on Sunday'. He actually waited several days to publicly denounce this person in front of the whole church, as though they had done something seriously wrong! They were now silenced, gagged - in other words, not allowed to speak as a leader.

This well-liked leader was immediately ignored by most people after the service ended. People simply turned their heads and walked away. People were too afraid to ring them at home or make contact. This leader was shunned for weeks until the Pastor reinstated their position. 

Warning 5

The power that social isolation can have on people who have cut off their family/friends, not to mention the outside world and made their whole social life revolve around a church like this can have devastating psychological and emotional effects. Yes, you can leave at anytime but where would you go? Who would you turn to? And remember what I said in:
The Abusive Church - Part 1
it was drummed into you that God had put you in that church. 

Headless Chicken

There came a point where myself and my partner no longer believed in the Pastor's version of scriptural interpretation. We presented him with a small document of our findings and handed it out within one of the hierarchy meetings just like we were supposed to do. The Pastor agreed in front of all the ministers and their wives to discuss our concerns at another meeting. 2 weeks later he obviously changed his mind. We received a damning letter which I can only say sounded like it came from a demented man. He stated the following which I have put in quotes:

"I take it to be an act of gross misconduct to me and anyone of intelligence in the meeting" furthermore "without submitting it to me for approval or disapproval", "I think you should have asked for them back and re-presented them in the proper manner if approved". This Pastor continued by stating 'I do not take it lightly, anyone trying to embarrass me in front of the people that God gave me to lead', "was it a try to pull a fast one" 'I do hope that this was a genuine mistake" and 'you are setting up trouble for yourself in your local church and may the Lord help you". 

We of course responded in a godly way to all letters BUT this Pastor wanted blood.  He sent a second letter commenting "disrespect is and will always be discouraged" and "there is a way of doing things which shows respect for leadership and in turn will promote those in "followship" and "I have already informed those present at that meeting this would not be discussed on any level, therefore no need for you to trouble yourself further". 

Now, I have not written 1/5 of what this Pastor said but wanted to give you a gist of his mindset when someone disagrees with him. In the Pastor's third letter he stated "You owe me an apology, not just to me but to all who were present in that meeting", and "you have offended me, you did not cause division because I stopped it in time" AND "you having to leave on issues as these do hurt me in the guts". It was also confirmed and made very clear that he had stopped people contacting us.

All those wicked words spoken ONLY because we had a different point of view over scriptural interpretation.  

My Experience of Pentecostalism

I've seen marriage forced upon couples who were not ready for it, they only wanted to date to see if they were compatible, but are now divorced or separated especially when re-marriage was deemed as sin. I've seen many people suffer with mental illness due to the emotional abuse they suffered. Many have cast God aside and dare not venture into any type of religion. One particular woman died because she refused to take her medication on the premise that God would heal her.  I've seen many false prophets claim God told them to do this or that, but it's ironic how nobody never claimed to do a miracle or raise the dead, simply because they couldn't produce the evidence. I've seen fearless men from the rough and tough streets of London turned into whimpering fools. I am disgusted to my stomach to have been in a private meeting when it was announced due to rumours, that another Pastor from another congregation had made a woman pregnant, and this was being hushed up by the hierarchy.  Nobody was to say anything. I'll never forget it as long as I live. And I will never have anything to do with that church or Pastor again. Shame on every Pastor, for every evil they have done. GOD IS NOT MOCKED. 

Warning 6

Places like this and people like this Pastor can only exist because people like YOU or ME fund it with our tithes, money, offerings and most importantly, our time. Do you think autocratic or authoritarian leaders would exist if none of us ever showed up? You can't manipulate, control or abuse nothing, so to speak.  

Vote with your feet. Hit the floor running. Trust your gut instinct. And don't be afraid to challenge things that you feel is not right. 

I hope I was able to help someone. 

If you missed it, you can read Part 1 here:
The Abusive Church - Part 1 

It would be great to hear your views, comments and opinions on anything regarding this topic. And feel free to express your views. 

The Abusive Church - Part 1

Part 1

This is a true story of my personal experiences within an abusive church. I apologize for such a long post but there are things that needed to be said. 

This post is not intended to mock or criticise the many Church Leaders that promote the sound teachings of God and have a real duty of care and love for their congregation, but rather to expose some of the toxic features within a church that almost destroyed my relationship with God. I feel compelled that this is the right time to share my experiences and to warn others in advance. 

Seeking Hope

One of the things that most people search for is a spiritual source to fill the gap that nothing else seems to plug. A creator, a God, a being of some sort. After all, we have a longing to know who we are and where we came from. One of the many paths we take is the road that leads to God. 

At a young age I had already exhausted the nightclubs, lock-in pubs, underground raves, and designer clothes. I'd had my fair share of expensive dinners, holidays abroad and meeting people you wouldn't want to be associated with. I indulged in way too many deadly sins to mention.  

I began to have an intense inner feeling that I needed God and to find him I needed to find a place of worship.  

I eliminated the Jehovah Witnesses, Baptists, Catholics and Mormons because throughout my early life I had already spent time studying with them and their teachings just weren't my cup of tea.  I then remembered my relative telling me about this local Pentecostal church they went to and how different it was regarding worship, plus the preaching/teaching was very bible-based.  I decided to go along and take a look for myself. It was that decision which almost put me 'smack bang' into the gates of hell.

No Way Out

Within a matter of weeks of my being there, I was being taught in the Sunday school lessons that the reason I, as a new convert had chosen that particular church was because 'it was the place where God had sent me' and 'those that leave that church were never meant to be there in the first place'. People who left were being referred to as 'wolves in sheep's clothing' according to Matthew 7:15 in the bible. We were constantly being fed stories of how people came into the church and tried to cause havoc but when they didn't succeed they left and that was due to them not being a child of God in the first place, but of the devil. We were warned against associating ourselves with them. After all, those people had rejected the truth about God so what could we possibly have in common with them? We were light and they were darkness.

I had no reason to challenge this based on what I had seen so far, so I lapped it up like a thirsty dog. The noose was being tightened, but so slowly that I didn't notice it.

Warning 1

This is vitally important because they were quickly laying the foundations in your mind that the Almighty God had put you in their church. And to leave would be to defy God. 

It was also teaching you not to associate yourself with anyone who had left the group regardless to their reasons. They would be labeled as rebellious and/or backsliders - in other words, they walked out on God and wanted to return to the society that was on it's way to a fiery hell. 

Seem like simple statements don't they? But, in the long run, those words would plant guilt, fear and shame, and haunt you whenever you thought of leaving. 

Shut Up and Obey
As the months ticked by we were taught that we should obey God rather than man - Acts 5:29. It's a brilliant scripture if used in the right way, but it was constantly drummed into us that the Pastor and his ministers had been ordained by God, and they were the mouth-piece of God, so in essence, you were obeying what God wanted through them. You were taught that if you wanted to do certain things then you would have to ask the Pastor for 'permission' first. There would be serious consequences if you failed to adhere to this. 

Anyone who dared to challenge the pastor would be knocked back sometimes privately but more so publicly. They were made to look as if they were being disobedient to God's ordained authority. 

There was a situation where an elderly woman wanted to visit another church. She told us beforehand what she wanted to do but when the Leader refused 'permission' she decided not to go. We had been taught that to go without his express 'blessing' was to go against the will of God. As time moved on, I'd realise that 'permission' was sought for many things: dating, marriages, visiting other churches, social events and suchlike. 

Anyone who did not abide by these rules was privileged enough to be the topic of the next Sunday sermon in front of the whole congregation. Can you imagine, for example, how you would feel if you wanted to get married and because you didn't ask the pastor's 'permission' the next service would be about disobedient people marrying the wrong kind or that it wasn't ordained by God and that their marriages would fail etc?

Warning 2
Public humiliation was a way of telling the whole congregation to 'hear and fear'. The pastor did not take kindly to anyone who disobeyed him. Bit by bit, grown adults (many who I personally know) who were once very strong and independent minded were being turned into people who conformed to whatever this autocratic pastor wanted. Members were regressing to childlike vulnerability, they were no longer thinking for themselves. They were only interested in whether the pastor would approve or disapprove. In order for any cult to work you need total obedience. It was no longer about Jesus.  

But the worst was yet to come.
Part 2 will be posted on 6th September 2013.

Questions
Have you or do you know anyone who has experienced autocratic leadership?
Have you encountered these dynamics in other places apart from a religious setting?

I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.

Metamorphosis

Take a regular guy, unassuming and liked by all. His friends portray him as friendly, respectful and polite, far from the angry troublemaker, hotheaded rebel or sinister outsider. The kind of person who is from a good family, did well at school and held down a decent job for years. We all know someone like that.
 
Along the way 'something' happens to those young people that produces adults that I find absolutely chilling.
 
'Something' that turned the guy those people knew into a man with blood-soaked hands, holding a meat-cleaver and knife in the headlines last week. I'm talking, of course, about Michael Adebowale, alleged murderer of soldier Lee Rigby in Woolwich, whose body had to be identifed by dental records. People say that Michael Adebowale was 'radicalised' - but what does that actually mean?
 
So how about Ariel Castro - the man responsible for keeping captive, Gina DeJesus, Amanda Berry and Michelle Knight for over 10 years? Was he radicalised too? He was another normal member of his community even having the audacity to invite friends over for a beer claiming the noises they heard were dogs in the attic, when in fact it was the victims trying to escape. Ariel Castro gave money towards the search for one of the girls he himself had kidnapped. On another occasion he attended a vigil for a girl and stood with the grieving family knowing that a few hundred yards away she was huddled up and chained in his own basement. Those who knew him also gave him a glowing report. 

Many times there is nothing in a person's past that raises alarm bells as to what they might do in the future.
 
Is there some sort of a metamorphoses that takes place, or is it just the matter of them revealing who they really were all along, flashing their true colours after many years?
 
Sometimes we are so busy being focused on the bad guys that we're not concentrating on the so-called 'good guys'.
 
Now I ask you:
•    Can someone explain what radicalisation really is?
•    Have you ever been horrified to find out a person you thought you knew for years was something completely different? If so, can you share what happened?
•    Do you think it's possible to prevent this sort of thing happening if you intervene at an early enough stage?

I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions on this.

Snitch

Now, this is a real tough one as nobody wants to be known as a 'squealer', 'snitch' or 'grass' and everyone's heard of some of the deadly consequences associated with people who reveal secrets, especially within the criminal world. 

But let's take away the death aspect of it all - although you can never be sure that someone won't commit suicide or take a life!

What if you were confidentially given unequivocal information that would affect the life of a colleague, friend or family member? What if you revealing that information meant they could avoid severe consequences such as prison, personal injury or loss of livelihood? Remember, it's not just about helping a friend. By doing so you would also be betraying the person or organisation who gave you that information and jeapordising your own reputation. In other words, you can't play both sides. Would you squeal? 

Or on the other hand, take the opposite case. What kind of wrongdoing would push you so far as to pass information about a friend or loved one to the authorities?

What if they were cheating on their taxes or insurance?
What if they were defrauding innocent members of the public?
What if they were smuggling drugs or people into the country?
Would that make you squeal? If not what would it take?

What's the difference between revealing 'secret' information to a friend and revealing 'secret' information to the authorities? Either way, isn't it the same thing? Please enlighten me. 

Sometimes in life, taking sides becomes inevitable. One man's hero is another man's traitor.

I'd love to hear your views, comments and opinions.

My Sister - My Wife

It's an age old story, boy meets girl. They fall in love. A relationship forms. One evening they come together and the question is popped - will you be my wife? So romantic you say, but would you say the same thing if you found out that they were actually step-brother and step-sister? My jaw fell open as I watched a documentary about couples who had fallen in love and married their own step-brother or step-sister, and it's legal. 

Call me old fashioned, ignorant, out of touch with what's going on this world, whatever, but I can't get my head around it. My mind kept shouting out 'INCEST!!!'. It didn't make a difference whether or not they were raised in the same house or whether they knew each other beforehand. As far as I was concerned they were now related via their parent's marriage. It doesn't sit right with something within me.

Am I right to be so utterly confounded or baffled, or is my thinking being dominated by an unfounded taboo?

Was it my upbringing, my beliefs, my morals or ethics? I can't work it out. 

This then sucked me down the deep rabbit hole. I started thinking about those that marry their cousins. Now this is blood related! My brain is in overdrive now.  I mean, didn't Charles Darwin marry his first cousin Emma? Hang on a minute, so did Albert Einstein, H G Wells and Franklin Roosevelt, to name just a few. Not to mention the various cultures all over the world that marry in this way? But what about their children, aren't parents this closely related associated with much higher levels of birth defects? This whole subject has opened up a huge can of worms for me, so to speak. I'm wondering if any of you out there can help to make this plainer. 

How do you view blood related and/or step related marriages?
Are your views based on your morals, ethics, religions, health, science etc?
Think about the love of your life right now. If you suddenly found out they were your cousin or step-sibling, what would you do?
Are there any traditions/customs that you can't get your head around ie: mormons/muslims having more than wife?

I love to hear your views, opinions and comments.

For the Sake of Auld Lang Syne

It's that time of the year again when many take a deep breath trying not to over-analyse the reasons why the past loves, friendships, hopes and dreams didn't make it through to 2013. 

But shouldn't it be a time to be ruthless and honest? Get rid of the barriers that stopped you reaching your goals. Get rid of all those familiar distractions that stifled your dreams and choked your aspirations. Familiarity, has been said to breed contempt. You've gained great insight and experience through it all, so leave all that toxic baggage behind in 2012, bolt the door, run like hell and start the year afresh.    
Make new friends, build on positive relationships. Venture out into new pastures, be realistic with your goals. Don't be envious of those who've achieved what you would have liked, but rather study and learn from them. But most of all, don't hide your true self, keep it real.  
 
I take this opportunity to say HAPPY NEW YEAR to each and every one of you. I wish you success in all you choose to do... as long as it's legal. I wish you prosperity... providing you don't crush others to get it. And I wish you good health.... exercise is your friend. Keep a firm grasp on hope, because once it slips away, it can be lost forever. 
 
What a better way to finish this year with one of my favorite ole time tunes - Auld Lang Syne. 

Have your hopes and aspirations changed since this time last year?
What is the biggest lesson that 2012 has taught you?
What are your New Year resolutions for 2013?

I would love to hear your comments, opinions and views.

Bad Samaritans

The other day, whilst riding my bike in London I came across a surprising sight. A man had collapsed in the road with his head towards the oncoming cars and his legs extended towards the pavement. It was a bright day, cars and people were passing him by constantly yet no-one stopped. Disgusting. 

I backed up my bike, called an ambulance and tried to speak to the man on the floor until they arrived. Apparently, in London a couple days ago a similar scenario happened where a man collapsed (can't verify if the collapse was genuine or not) but still, nobody came to his aid. This took place at a busy, safe and well lit underground train station. People just continued on their journey, some even stepping over him. 

How were they to know if he was faking it or not? What threat could he have posed? What would they have risked just to ask this man if he was OK? 

During the Nazi era, hundreds of innocent people put their lives on the line by helping to hide Jews in order to stop them from being killed.  Most of you may remember the story of Ann Frank, who was hidden for many years under the protection of dutch citizens in occupied Holland. How about Oscar Schindler, who also protected many Jews during this time at a great personal risk. 

There are many more high profile examples from different places and periods in history where people risked everything just to help strangers. Today, we can't even break our stride for 2 mins to get help for someone, even with no risk involved! 

What would it take for you to stop and enquire if someone is lying on the floor or who has just collapsed? I can understand if you are on a dark street late at night in a dodgy neighbourhood but that doesn't stop you from calling the police/ambulance for help, does it?

What in the world has happened to the mentality of people today? 
What do you expect would happen if you fell ill on the streets? 
Has anything like this ever happened to you?
If you have ever walked past a collapsed person, what was the reason why you didn't you stop?

I'd love to hear your views, comments and opinions on any of this. 

Voter or Joker?

I'm sure that most of the world knows by now, that America is about to take the big vote. Should we be bothered or should we take note? Does it really matter who is in power, after all, whatever these polititians  say now does not always have any affect after they have taken up office, so why is it so important that we should waste our time voting anway?

For many years I have heard many critisms about voting. Some are justified and many are not. 

How can you really just sit back and do nothing, then without shame start to verbally abuse the person in power because of what they are now doing? 

Should we not be happy that we live in societies where we can vote with our feet so to speak without fear of reprisals? Many countries don't have the freedoms we do and voting can be a matter of life or death. 

Just one example, to put my point across, let's look at black people in the US. Digging back into a time AFTER slavery, blacks were discouraged from voting in many states when it should have been a right. They were not given details of how and when to vote, a poll tax was used, knowing they could not afford to pay it,  and even if they could afford it many were not able to read or write. I read today that black slaves were counted as 'three fiths' of a white or freed black person in regards to voting. With that in mind, why wouldn't a black American person do all they can now to exercise that right now?

Conversely, if voting was so insignificant, why did blacks, the common people and women have to fight so hard to win it?

Shouldn't we be overjoyed that the person we voted for will run our country the way we want? Why is it that so many people still feel that it's ok not to vote?

Do we ever think about the harsh struggles that won many of us the vote? But now, years later, after all they suffered we sit back with our legs up, beer or tea in hand, and can't even be bothered to put a tick next to someone who may possibly change our future for the better? 

I know, it's difficult at times. Politicians are notorious for saying one thing, and as soon as they get into power they have a change of stance. But could it be because once in power they were shown what was really going on behind the scenes and their dreams were never going to make reality anyway? 

What if you were not able to vote right now? How would you feel?

What reason do you have for not voting? and can you justify it?

Do you feel that everyone is society should have a vote regardless to their disposition? 
(ie: the over 65's, under 18's, the mentally ill, those in prison etc.)

What do you think about all of this?

I'd love to hear your opinions and comment on this. 

Blaming the Victims

23 years ago Liverpool football fans attended a match at the Hillsborough stadium in Sheffield. The stadium had recently been fitted with a high metal fence between the fans and the pitch to prevent pitch invasions and hooliganism, which was rife at the time. The stadium eventually became full to capacity. Yet still police mistakenly ordered another large gate to be opened and pushed more people into the penned up stadium. 

The resulting crush caused the death of 96 fans (asphyxiated) as they had no way of getting out onto the pitch to escape. Over 700 more fans were injured. In the aftermath, the Liverpool fans were vilified by the press, particularly The Sun newspaper, and the victims blamed for the disaster.  

For 23 years the families of the dead did all they could to get justice for their loved ones. They refused to accept they were the ones to blame. On 12 September 2012, justice was served. An Independent Hillsborough Report Panel made it's conclusions public, and the contents were horrific. Some of the panel's findings stated:

- The police and ambulance service had made a 'strenous attempt' to cover up and hide what really happened on that fateful day
- 116 out of 164 statements were amended, changed and deleted
- Statements they thought were unfavourable or that criticised the police were removed. To put it mildly, the documents were doctored
- Blood alcohol readings were taken from the dead victims, including a 10 yr old boy, in an attempt to demonstrate that fans were drunk. When they could not find alcohol evidence against the victims they even ran a police record check to dig dirt and slur the victims' reputations
- The Hillsborough panel could not find any evidence that the fans didn't have tickets, were violent or highly intoxicated on that day, contradicting what the police had said
- Shockingly, 41 out of the 96 that died could possibly have been saved if the ambulance and/or police had done their jobs properly!
- The football stadium was also criticised for it's severe lack of health and safety
- No Liverpool fan was to be blamed for any of the disastrous events of that day

I don't have the space here to reel off the countless facts that this panel found, but there was a massive cover-up of the truth on that day. 

How could so many individual people from the emergency services we rely upon to protect us and save our lives get it so wrong?
They didn't just fail us, but for 23 years they covered up and twisted the whole blame to stigmatize the actual victims of a tragedy. UNBELIEVABLE. 

So my questions are:
Have you ever been falsely accused of something you didn't do, by family, friends or even an organization? 

We have no choice but to entrust our safety to those who have authority over us, but do you trust them to do the right thing?

Have you ever had to step forward and admit a serious mistake, one that could have resulted in repercussions for you or someone else?

Maybe you need to put something right today and tell the truth. 

I would love to hear your views, comments and opinions on this post.

A Woman's Place?

Women. Why is it that I keep hearing how you want to be so equal with men?  You want positions of power within the workplace, you want to run large companies, flying from country to country to do business and conduct meetings. You want to leave the home early in the morning and return late at night and when you do have a moment, you want the luxuries of going out to dinner, expensive holidays and all the freedom that many men have. Hmmm. That's all well and good if you have no responsibilities to take care of. 


But wait! Have you forgotten that you have children languishing at home with no mummy in sight? The children some of you planned to have. Are you happy for another woman to raise your child, cook for them, attend the school plays, tuck them into bed, kiss them better when they fall over, and teach them the way to live?  Really? Some children are even left home alone, fending for themselves for periods of time whilst mummy progresses her career!

So I ask the question - should women with children be working at all until a child is of a certain age?

Doesn't it come down to an unavoidable choice between two options:
EITHER - suspend the career to have children OR - pursue the professional career and not have children.

I'm really not trying to offend career women or women who have to work to put food on the table, but rather have a constructive discussion about those who are trying to have their cake and eat it too.

You see, certain women are putting pressure on their employers by trying to juggle home life, work life and a social life. Women with children are likely to take more time off to deal with child illnesses, school holidays, extra dental and hospital visits etc throughout the whole year. They want to start work later in the mornings and leave earlier in the evenings to do the school runs. They want reduced flexible working hours without complaint. 

What if you are a small business owner? How could you continue to run a successful business if your employees were continually taking time off work due to their children? Can you imagine telling your boss you can't attend the next meeting because little Johnny is having difficulties at school?

If I was to tell you that a mother was neglecting her child, we would all be in uproar, but can neglect also be that the mother is never home to see/take care of her own kids, regardless to how much money she throws at them? 

Is it such a bad thing for women who want to have children to stay at home to raise them properly, then continue later with any career plans they may have?

We continuously blame the parents when children are raised by the streets and go crazy. Is it right to blame society for failing in raising children who should have been raised at home in the first place? We just can't have it both ways. Something has to give. 

How important is it to have a mother at home raising her own children?

Would you give up a career to have children or vice-versa?

Men, what is your opinion about career women having children or Stay-At-Home-Mums?

Ladies, how do you juggle working and being a mother, especially if you are in a prominent position at work?

Would love to hear your views, comments and opinions of this. 

Worth Killing For?

How far would you go to defend your property? Stab a person several times blinding them in one eye, shoot someone in the legs, attack them with a bat or hockey stick or even go as far as to kill them? These are just some of the varied lengths that homeowners have gone to in order to defend their property. Some homeowners, rightly or wrongly, have even had legal action taken against them by the burglar due to the injuries they received whilst carrying out their unlawful activities. Cruel twist some may say! 

How about if your handbag or jewelry was grabbed from you in the street by a robber, or your car was being 'jacked/stolen' by a thief right in front of you. How far would you go to defend your goods? Some people have chased down the thief and given them a good beating. Others have been killed by their own car wheels whilst struggling to get back what was rightfully theirs. 

I know how hard we have all worked to buy the things we want in life. 

Why should we tolerate a stranger stealthily sneaking through our homes during the midnight hours freely taking what doesn't belong to them? 
Why should we be in fear of our lives and scared to death knowing a trespasser is in our house? After all, if we don't attack them then they may attack us. Burglars don't come round to sit and have a chat, they don't knock the door and leave if you are out. They have one job to do and that is to take your goods. 

Some people even go to the extreme length of keeping a gun in their house for that 'special occasion'.

On the other hand, if we catch them red-handed, why attack?
Isn't it more dangerous to attack, leaving them no choice but to get physical in order to defend themselves? 
After all, we pay hard-earned tax money for a police force to deal with this. Is it really wise to try and do a D.I.Y. job instead of leaving it to the professionals?
Isn't it better to have some security measures such as an alarm etc. and make sure you keep your mobile phone within reach at all times?

What are your views on how the law should respond to this issue?
Do you think those that attack people in their own home deserve to be prosecuted?
What if the person is attacked from behind by the homeowner whilst they are in the process of leaving with the goods?
What if the person is already captured and no longer a threat and still the homeowner goes on beating them into a pulp. Can it be justified?

These are the nitty-gritty situations that occur everyday in the real world.

I would be delighted to hear your answers or viewpoints to any or all of these questions.

Depression - Real or Fake?

I can't explain why so many people these days claim to suffer from depression. The  word depression seems to be batted to and fro more and more. It's as if it was like a common cold - if you sneeze, you catch it. Almost every time something goes wrong in life for some people, they automatically make sweeping statements of how they are suffering from depression. I don't pretend to have any medical background in this area, but can only comment on what I've heard from the experiences of friends. 

I personally believe that there are people who genuinely have suffered or are suffering from the illness depression and there are others who may feel depressed but do not have this illness.

To clarify the point I am trying to make, there are those who are affected by everyday stressful situations. Struggles in finding employment, finding childcare, a decent place to live, financial insecurities and many more. I'm not saying they are not exasperated by their current situations which they have no control over. I don't doubt they are stuck in a rut and can't see a light at the end of the tunnel but that doesn't mean they suffer from the illness depression. We all feel like that from time to time but that does not mean we have an illness. 

The proof of this is that as soon as the stressful situation is dealt with, the depression immediately lifts and is never to be seen again. Remove the cause and the depression goes away.  Although they were annoyed or upset by unfortunate circumstances it really didn't change their inner self, views on life etc. 

I personally feel that depression is much more than a feeling of sadness, it is more than finding yourself  in a difficult situation, it is much more than feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sufferers lose all confidence in themselves and life, they feel worthless, they have absolutely no hope in anything, they can't see a brighter day. Sufferers contemplate suicide and even make attempts at it, they can have trouble eating, developing anorexia or bulimia , trouble sleeping night after night and their days are filled with pure unhappiness. 

You can have money, fame and fortune and be in the darkest of despair as a sufferer.The list is endless. 'Real' depression is no joke. It can come like a thief in the night then linger around for days, months or even years slowly robbing you of existence. Some people may not even realise that they have depression because living that way has become normal to them, and they don't realise that it's the illness that is making them see things that way.

There is a big difference in feeling depressed and suffering from depression as an illness. 

Do you agree that there is a difference between hard times/the blues etc. and clinical depression?

Why are the numbers of people being prescribed anti-depressants rising year on year? Is it because more people are really depressed or is it simply that more people are coming forward? If it is the case that more people are depressed, why is this?

Why is it that in this modern society with enough food, gadgets and entertainment for all, so many of us are still desperately unhappy?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. 

Dangerous Liaisons

I've just been having an intense debate about 'affairs' and I just can't understand the mindset of some people and I'm not even trying to say this in a derogatory way. Nowadays I seem to be in a minority on this one.

What is it that makes a man or woman in a long term relationship or marriage embark on having an affair? What is it that causes a person to lose their integrity, throw all morals out the window and drop common sense whilst at the same time suffer amnesia and turn into a professional liar? They do all of this for a bit of sex! Wow, things must be bad, but according to some folk, things are looking up - no pun intended.

I've been told that an affair can actually help and enhance a relationship by allowing someone else to step in and supply the sexual needs of the partner when their 'other half' is no longer willing or able to do so. I've even heard that in some cases they turn a blind eye to their partners affair. Really! 

Am I then wrong in thinking that 'Affairs' cause mistrust between people and can be extremely damaging and painful to both parties - more so for the one left behind? Is there no guilt or shame in destroying someone's marriage and splitting a family anymore? 

Am I the only one who can't see the point in dabbling with someone's else's partner and emotions on a serious level? How do you turn a blind eye knowing that your beloved is sewing their wild oats with someone else? And not only that, but be happy about it? 

Or are we so dependant and reliant on keeping a 'relationship' that we will allow and tolerate anything? Who's that special?

If you are a cheater, then do you really believe that you will be able to have a trustworthy long-term relationship with no issues with the person you are/were cheating with? 

I'm no angel but this one is too crazy for me. I'm gonna need some help here. 

Has anyone experienced the devastation of being betrayed?

Have you ever had an affair? and if so, how did it enhance your relationship?

Don't forget - you have the option to post 'anonymous'... and your secret will be safe with me. I'd love to hear your comments. 

Women Behaving Badly

When we think of Domestic Violence, we usually visualize a man beating a poor defenceless woman BUT this is not always the case. 

Firstly, there is a high percentage of men who are the silent victims and not the perpetrators. 

These men are nothing more than punching bags to vicious women who are unable to deal with their own frustrations and anger issues.  I've seen grown men being called names belittling their manhood, grown men being viciously taunted, cursed, provoked, humiliated and vilified because of silly mistakes. I've seen women foam at the mouth, so to speak, as they enjoy subtly shaming the man in front of his friends in order to show who is in control, who is the boss, and most importantly, who wears the trousers. These women are angels by day and demons by night, if you know what I mean. 

Can you imagine the guilt of feeling you are not good enough as a man? The guilt of believing that you are the cause of every argument or beating then blaming yourself for the way the other person is behaving towards you? Can you imagine the sheer embarrassment of that macho rugby playing 6ft man who wants to tell someone that his 5ft petite wife is verbally abusing and/or threatening him, accompanied by physically violence? Or how about the man that is completely dominated by the woman, he has no voice so can't speak out and if he dares to freely speak, he knows there will be repercussions? Or the man who used to be social but is now being kept away from family and friends due to his excessively jealous over-possessive girlfriend. She gets into serious rages thinking he is constantly having affairs.  

Secondly, Domestic Violence is not confined just to a husband or wife, it can be committed by couples in same-sex relationships, brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents or even the in-laws. There are no barriers so you can be rich, poor, black, white, old or young.

Thirdly, as you've just seen, Domestic Violence can also be verbal or mental abuse. 

We'd all agree that kicking, punching, scalding, hitting or spitting is physical abuse, but how about belittling language? If this is the case, then how many of us in an argument haven't called our 'loved one' a name or two? Raised our voice in a fit of anger trying to make a point and win our case? 

We know there is such a thing as a heated arguement. Fine. We also know there is such a thing as emotional/verbal abuse. So at what point does one become the other?

I'm not asking this out of idle curiosity. If we are unable to answer this question, how can we recognise Domestic Violence when it rears its ugly head? 

Don't turn a blind eye to this. Check the stats on the internet. Why? How can you be sure it is not happening to your son, brother or  grandfather tonight? This could be happening right now to someone you know. I did say 'silent victims' earlier. These men suffer anxiety, depression, they feel exhausted and deflated as if defeated. 

I don't give a monkeys what excuse the perpertrators have for their behaviour, it is WRONG. It should not be tolerated or excused. 

Don't be afraid to ask questions if you think something is wrong and show your concern. Offer your help and support. Help that person to find  private and confidential assistance from professionals and give that person the information in a private setting.

I would love to hear your views about this topic. I would be grateful for any experiences, guidance or suggestions. 

You Believe WHAT!?!?

All over the world our lives are shaped by our beliefs. Some believe that there is but one God, others say there are 3. Some believe there are no gods whilst others swear that spiritual forces exist, yet others believe in the theory of the 'Big Bang'. Some believe they are white witches, some choose the way of satanism, whilst others still put it all down to random causality.
 
We label ourselves with all these titles in order to let the world know where we stand, and what we believe.
 
Further still, there are many more religions for want of a better word, that people follow and adhere to.
 
Though we may believe in different things, what we all have in common is that our beliefs control what we do in life. If we behave differently, it is because we believe differently.
 
We set our morals around our beliefs, we set aside certain days and/or times of the week to practice it, we refuse to eat particular foods/drinks because of it, we may dress in a particular style as required by it, we may even choose to marry someone from our own group because of it.
 
We close our ears and shun outsiders who don't think as we do. We mock and ridicule those who dare question our beliefs - innocent as it may be at times. We threaten war due to it, and ultimately we beat our chests in defiance to all, that we have the utmost truth.

OK, so you believe what you believe, whatever that may be. But have you ever asked yourself where this belief came from? Or why do you believe what you believe?
 
Do you believe as your parents did? If so is it really your belief? If not, why not?
 
Or have you had an out of the ordinary, supernatural experience that moved you from believing one thing to another?
 
Do you rely on your reason? If so, how do you account for others, as intelligent as you, who are of a different opinion?
 
Where do beliefs come from? Is it possible to 'invent' a new belief, or can it only come from the inspiration of a 'higher power'?
 
If you claim to have no beliefs, then why do you believe in nothing? Is it even possible to believe in nothing? Isn't to believe in nothing an act of faith?
 
Do you just rely on your gut feeling in the pit of your stomach? What makes your gut so trustworthy?
 
Did you do any type of research into what you believe or do you believe by default, without even questioning?
 
I'm not looking to abuse or challenge what anyone believes, in fact, I don't even need to know what you believe. What I'm trying to get at is how you came to believe it, in the light of the questions above.