Rep to Protect

"It's not your job to like me, it's mine" - I've chosen to open with this quote by Byron Katie but... isn't it an impossible dream?

C'mon now, let's be honest - when your feelings get hurt and you say "I don't give a monkey's what anyone thinks of me" out of sheer bravado, are you really being honest?

I believe that deep down all of you out there care much more about the opinions of others than you would like to let on.

I'm ready to admit that I have a rep (reputation) to protect if you know what I mean. It's important to me that I do all I can to uphold my good name. My reputation is what identifies me. A bad reputation equals a bad name and can lead to serious repercussions.  

Aesop's fable about the 'boy who cried wolf' brings this point home powerfully. The boy undermines his own reputation to the point that when he does have something of vital importance to say, no-one believes him, with tragic consequences. To not care in 'anyway' what people think about us, is in a sense, an act of self-sabotage.

As for real life, who believes a liar, trusts a thief or shakes hands with a dodgy builder? 

Your reputation can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Have you ever thought that your reputation could be what's standing in the way of you moving forward.

So when you walk out into society, make your voice hold weight in public, make your opinion count, let your judgement change lives - your reaction may cause a stir for the better or worse and all of this based on your reputation. 

Let's take a moment to carefully consider our reputations...

Do you think reputation is important? 

What is your respect for others based on - ie. what makes it grow or lessen?

Is there anything worth sacrificing your reputation for?

I love to hear your comments, opinions and views on this.

An Evil Presence

I've been thinking about this topic for quite some time now simply because I have found it very hard to put into explainable words my experience of what I call an evil spirit or presence.

We can all let our imagination run wild with fairy tales, fables, or horror films but I'm talking about having a very real strong overwhelming feeling that something, someone or wherever you are, you can sense an evil spirt or presence around you. I'm not the kind of person to easily jump to spiritual conclusions if I hear a noise in the middle of the night, can't find my keys or keep losing things around the house AND neither am I the type to casually blame every wicked deed on an evil spirit, but if anyone has ever had an experience with anything of an evil nature then you'll know what I'm talking about. And I'm sure I'm not going crazy, or am I?

To cut a long story short, I have seen a woman whom I knew for some time completely change character within seconds and speak in what I could only call a demonic voice. The tone, the snarl, the sound, her eyes totally glazed over as if nobody was home and something just took control of her for what seemed to be minutes. I will never ever forget it and there were independent witnesses present who saw and heard the exact same thing.

On another occasion, there was a building that I used to go to every week. Whenever I came within at least 30 yards of the door, I felt as if a darkness fell over me, the blood was draining from my body, I felt scared with an over powering sense not to go in there. I just knew that that building was surrounded by something very real and very evil. I just can't explain it enough. It is one thing to believe that evil spirits exist and it's another thing to have experienced it. 

Lastly, another experience I've had when sleeping is an evil presence sitting on my chest like a heavy weight, pulling me. I feel paralysed but can't wake up to get it off me. It's a horrible evil feeling. 

Do you believe in evil spirits or even demonic possession?
Is there any connection between mental illness and demonic possession?
Have you ever experienced what I call an evil spirit or presence? Can you share them with us. 

I'd love to hear your views, opinions and comments.

The Meaning of Motherhood

It's Mother's Day this Sunday, here in the UK. Like Christmas and birthdays, it's a time of joy, appreciation, the giving of gifts, treats and much pampering for some, and of bittersweet reflection for others. An occasion to celebrate motherhood, which for some people is a reminder of what they didn't have. 

So last year I had no shame in writing a Mothers Day post which spelt out the genuine acknowledgments I gave to my mother, despite our relationship being somewhat non-existent. I will hold on to those same words this year whilst I watch others have a more entertaining time. 

Those who haven't read my post can find the link here:

-Turning A Negative into A Positive-

This year, I would like to ask a few questions regarding your experiences and feelings about your own mother or the woman who raised you - be it a grandmother, foster-parent etc:

1. What are the key qualities of a mother?
2. What was the most important thing that you mother said, that left the deepest impression on you - whether good or bad?
3. How will you be honouring your mother on Mother's Day?
4. Single Dads - do you feel the need to fill a motherly role with your children? If so, in what way?
4. What was the best or worst moment that you had with your mother?
5. If you are a mother, do you expect recognition for what you have done for your children over the years? 

Please feel free to answer any/all of these questions, or just share your experiences. I would love to hear your comments, views and opinions. 

Resilience - Victim or Victorious

The power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.

Or 

The ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy (Dictionary.com)

On a daily basis, life has a way of throwing adversity at us. But what is it that allows one person to bounce back from pain, hurt, disaster, defeat or a crisis, whilst another person will sink deep into a bottomless pit with no way out? In other words, what is Resilience? 

For instance, different people can suffer the same severe trauma, such as bereavement, rape and accidents that cause disabilities, to name but a few. Yet some are able to pick themselves up and slowly but surely change their situation into a better one, whilst another person sinks deeper into despair, sometimes resulting in them turning to the abuse of drugs/alcohol, rejecting family and friends, and even taking their own life.

Resilience is the difference between these two groups. So what makes one person more resilient than another?

There are things which boost our resilience and things that undermine it, a bit like our immune system when we are attacked by an illness. These can be things either inside or outside of us. 

Inside could be confidence, optimism, a value system that is based on things which cannot be taken away etc. Outside could be having a supportive family or network of friends, hobbies and interests, being rich culturally (Ie: an interest in music, art, cooking, fashion, writing etc.) 

On the other hand, there are things which destroy resilience, for example self-pity, untrustworthy family members, manipulative friends, excessive pessimism and much more.

When we are placed under pressure the first thing we need to do is identify the resources inside and outside of ourselves which can boost our resilience and recognise the dangerous influences we need to avoid. In a make-or-break situation, identifying the sources of resilience can make all the difference. So I ask you:

What strengthens of weakens your resilience?
Does having resilience depend on whether you have a victim or survivor mentality?
Do any of you have stories that you can share about bouncing back after a crisis or examples of things which almost destroyed your resilience?

I love to hear your comments, views and/or opinions.