Time-Out

Every now and again in life we come across a bump or hurdle. It can come in our relationships, our finances or as in my case, health.
 
Right now I've been forced to take some time-out in regards to writing new posts but I endeavor to continue reading your blogs, commenting and participating in BC discussions as and when I can.

Feel free to browse my archive of posts as you may find something of interest. I'll respond to any comments, opinions or thoughts as always. I'll be back again soon.

The Fear of Fear

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" Franklin D. Roosevelt.
 
F-E-A-R. Simply four letters that can change my whole personality when I'm up in a plane with Mr Turbulence. And let me tell you now without shame. When F-E-A-R presented it's warped self, my vocals came into being and filled the plane, for all to hear. I screamed. Yes, I screamed like a new born baby birthed from the womb, then smacked. Well, I wasn't going down in silence.
 
Fear, in the fight or flight response is a mechanism that enables you to escape/hide or fight when confronted with a dangerous situation. But this same fear becomes unproductive when you're in a situation where there is no danger and yet it paralyses you. How many people have endured severe pain far longer than necessary with a bad tooth, causing themselves undue suffering, all because they're afraid of going to the dentist.

Many people have blighted their own career path because they feared to take the unknown road to something greater. Some bloggers are afraid to write books because they fear nobody would want to read it. There are those brilliant minds who study hard and late into the night, to prepare themselves for the big test. But on the day, fear attacks their mind distracting them from the anwers. It is only when they calm down afterwards, that the answers come flooding back.... too late. Through fear would-be whistle-blowers fail to speak up and are shamed into silence. Fear can also cause you to procrastinate for no real reason.
 
And to drive the point home, how many times looking back have you noticed that the fear was far worse than what you was actually afraid of? How many times did you feel like a right idiot because nothing actually happened? I had the whole plane laughing at me because I made such a fuss, only for it to land unscathed. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me! 
       

• What are you most afraid of?
• When are the times you have been most afraid?
• How do you overcome your fears?

 
I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.

Great Expectations

Love is in the air. Matters of the heart are about to be exposed as Valentine's Day approaches. Who doesn't want to be pampered, adored and romanced like mad? Who doesn't want to get that unexpected engagement ring, be told 'I love you' or be whisked off to some exotic place for a weekend of passion? I'm sure you wouldn't say no to a romantic spa together, candles included.
 
Whether you believe it or not, I'm sure you're secretly hoping for that card to drop through your letter box from a secret admirer or your loved one. Or the hubbie to return home with the biggest bunch of roses you've seen in a long while. I bet every time someone comes into the office with a package, you automatically think the gift must be for you. I bet you spend all day waiting in anticipation for that special Valentine's surprise. C'mon be honest, I know you are.
 
But how will you react if you get a big fat NOTHING? No recognition, no invite, no proposal. Nothing. And this is where the colostomy bag hits the fan.
 
For many people this is a time of year when numerous hearts are broken. People feel pressurized to make decisions they'll regret a month later. People feel forced into saying things they don't mean, doing things they don't really want to do and buying things they had no intention of buying. Valentine's Day is a nightmare for them.  It's a day of dread and I'll tell you why!

Because there's going to be the women looking for that wedding ring. They left no stone unturned taking care of their man. They ironed his clothes, cooked his meals, the passion was on his terms, and it didn't matter to them. They were willing to pay his house bills whenever he was short of cash, even if they had to put their own bills on hold. These men are without want. These women are the perfect unmarried unrecognised housewives. Well, it's Valentine Day, he's tried the goods for long enough and wants to move on WITHOUT her. Well, what incentive could she give him now? There'll be tears at bedtime for many and a testing time as Miss Perfection turns into Miss Repercussion.
 
And what about the guys who will have pressure building to busting point? They've bought the ring, rehearsed the words, practiced a good drop to one knee, booked the fancy restaurant and informed her family. He's going to have one hell of a shock when she says NO.  And she'll have one hell of a time whilst he plays Mr Stalker until he gets her out of his system.
 
How about the couple whose been married for 30 years. She wants to keep the flame alive. She spent days choosing him a nice gift. She wrapped it nicely and it took her hours trying to write the right words of love to him. He comes home with a weak 'Thank You' and leaves it on the side before getting ready for bed. Her heart will be broken yet again.
 
And I can't forget the ones who are too timid or polite to refuse an invite. They'll go out to dinner hating every moment of it with a smiling face. Well, that's what happens when you can't say NO. Time never flies when you're having a date from hell on a day like this.
 
So you see my friends. There will tears of joy and sorrow on a mingled day of expectations or repercussions.
 
Questions
What do you do for your loved ones on Valentines Day or how do you celebrate it?
How do you keep your love afresh? Especially if you've been married for a while?
Have you ever used Valentine's Day to kick someone out of your life by ending a relationship? 
 
I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.

Till Death Us Do Part?

Let's face it. In life lots of relationships don't work out. People who once couldn't be without each other for 5 minutes end up provoking blood lust on sight. They went from lovebirds to vicious fighting bulldogs in the human ring. What happened?

Common sense says that when a relationship is in serious trouble or at death's door the best option is to make a clean break and not prolong the agony, because staying together past that point creates not only verbal tension, but also many wasted days, months and precious years. And life is already too short to spend fighting. 

So, at what point do you realise that staying together to 'work it out' is actually resulting in more animosity, more bitterness and more long term hate? How do you recognise that point of no return when the end becomes inevitable? 

The haunting question then becomes 'If I do throw in the towel, how will I ever know if we had stuck it out a little longer and worked a little harder that we couldn't have made it work?' 

We have grandparents and great-grandparents who said 'till death us do part' and stuck to it. Divorce was highly unusual in their day. What secret did they know that we don't? Was it just staying power through thick and thin, sickness and health, for richer or poorer? After all, that's what they signed up to! Or were they living in secret misery for fear of public shame, tolerating the intolerable.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't advise anyone to stay in an domestic abusive relationship, and I don't care if they do have children. Run like your pants is on fire, I say.

But, marriages are dropping like flies and relationships don't last as long as they used to. You can get a divorce as quick as you can get a credit card. Then it's a case of move on to partner number **?**.  But I can't help feeling that divorce is sometimes taken as an easy way out with undue haste. There's just no staying power. Am I wrong? 

So, my question is:
Has divorce been made too easy and readily available?
Does marriage mean anything in today's society or is it just a piece of paper?
At what point should you separate from a person in a relationship if things are not going too well?

I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.

You Poor Thing!

Well I guess it just has to be that important time again. Christmas and the New Year are done and dusted. The festivities have come to an end. Our bellies are full, our glasses are empty and so are our bank accounts. The sales have taken your last bit of money. Those overpriced gifts that we used credit to pay for are no longer appreciated. The kids have dashed the expensive toys on the floor. Your friends don't like the scent of the latest perfume you bought them and to make matters worse, the little black designer dress which cost you a month's pay no longer fits after the bout of over-indulgence.
 
And there you are right now, counting the cost and complaining that you don't have enough money to cover the mortgage/rent. You Poor Thing!
 
There you are, giving the kids the evil eye for requesting a lollipop, arguing with the wife about the ongoing bills. Robbing Peter to pay Paul trying to make ends meet. Oh you Poor Thing!
 
There you are, pleading poverty, looking for your dead grandmother's diamond ring to Pawn. Begging your own father to help you out because you are in dire-straights. Now his hard earned savings are to be dwindled on you.

But I just don't understand it anymore. Why do people subject themselves to conforming to what others do in society? That flexible credit card is not your friend and neither is it YOUR money. Why do people opt for 'buy now and pay later'? Didn't it cross your mind that your financial circumstances might change, especially during this economic downturn? Job today, gone tomorrow! Now you're off to the food bank. Well, you really are a poor thing now.
 
You thought you could create the perfect Christmas/New Year merely by throwing money at it. Now little Johnny won't have nowhere to put his Playstation because the house is gone!
After all, you've done everything you can to make sure your family/friends had a good time for a few days, but at the cost of the long term security. Isn't the whole year more important than those few days of indulgence?
 
'Waste not, want not' has become a 'can't wait, won't wait' world. Is this the kind of example you want to teach your children?
 
I'm not trying to blight anyone's fun. I'm not asking you to do nothing at all. I'm just saying, let's not ruin your own life by falling into a financial trap based on traditions. Count the cost mate!
 
So my question is:

• Have you ever over-spent during a holiday season and regretted it later?
• What pressurises you into being tempted to spend more than you've got?
• Have you ever had to dig yourself out of debt, and if so how did you manage this? 

I'd love to hear your comments, views and opinions.