Saying that, I must honestly and fairly give credit where credit is due. I learned a lot about life and people during my early years because of her, my mother. I carefully point out her achievements in this post without malice or regret or fear. She did the best she could with what she had and paid with the consequences.
The endless mind games she produced strengthened my ability to become meticulous in all I do, and to leave no stone unturned. The lack of her emotions taught me not to cry like a baby over every action but to 'keep a stiff upper lip' as the Brits would say and deal with situations at hand. The art of her using the crying technique (at specific times) in order to get you to conform gave me the ability to not be flustered or fooled by the false shedding of someone's tears. The beatings have given me a strong back, I can physically take care of myself now, I know not to tolerate a domestic violence situation.
The false accusations taught me that just because you have been evil spoken of, doesn't mean it's true. I always do my homework and acquit the innocent.
I've learned to 'eat the meat and spit out the bones'. take responsibility for my own actions, make wiser choices, and most of all, not to become her. You can always turn a negative into a positive.
THANKS MUM.
Have you got any special memories you would like to share?
How did you change negatives into positives in your life? Leave me a comment.
I think for every hardship we encounter we gain something for the experience. I remember the hell of high school as "I made it through". I always tell people going through high school hell, stick with it, because university makes it all worth while. The one thing I got from high school was my co-op. if not for the direction that gave me I would have dropped out at 16. Not that it would be the end of the world, work construction for the family business for the rest of my life, but I much prefer where I am.
ReplyDeleteIn time I found up that happiness is a road we must walk, then I found small platforms scattered on the road where many negatives items were trying to cancel the happiness of the road.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning it was difficult to leave the platforms, almost as if some masochist attraction held me there, but with time I learned to follow others steps, finding that as soon as I could get away from those sad things, the walk was right again.
I learned that I never lost happiness, I always was positive, only some times those negatives parts of life seemed bigger than me but it never was so.
May be most difficult thing was to learn 'when' I had to stand tall and go ahead without looking back!
thanks for dropping by, happy mothers day to all
ReplyDeleteI've learned same type of things from my father's behavior towards everyone...Like dealing with embarrasment and tricky situations with keeping a plain face. Also strongly learned by time that though I was a lot accused about all kinds of crazy and nasty stuff that I didn't or wasn't and been evil spoken of a lot, that everything is not always my fault (or the one that was accused if it was not me) and all the nasty wordrs spoken are not true. It's not easy to hurt me with words for someone, who wants to offend me. Certainly feels bad to be spoken evil of, but mostly I can deal it with throwing my shoulders and not stressing about it. Neither do I condemn others so easily when hearing different nasty rumours...
ReplyDeleteAlso I'm not becoming demoralized so easily, when encountering severity or adversity, for fasing so many ones for my own father, with whom I grew up and fist looked up to as a kid, when I yet didn't know or understand his real face.
ReplyDeleteJamie, Untony, Chris and Amethyst
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments again. In a way I'm glad that we have not only managed to get through the rough times but have learned from it. There are some that cannot or are unable to get out of the hell hole, and others that constantly have flashbacks and retreat into deep depression making it hard for them to have healthy relationships.
I feel that those that have treated us in this bad way do not always recognise the damage they did at the time. But saying that, they are the ones that lose out on having us as part of their lives in the future.
I'm sorry for what you've been through. Each child deserves to be cherished and respected and not put down through physical abuse or harsh words. A mother is many things. Some for whatever reason fall far short of the mark. I'm glad you've learned to love yourself and learned that what happened to you isn't a pattern to follow with others.
ReplyDeleteThank you Diana, it has been a long road.
DeleteTruly very nicely 'put'!!
ReplyDeleteThis should make me think about how I can turn the negatives in positives too. Thank you for this fantastic piece!!!
Thanks Ziva for your lovely comment.
DeleteThis is kind of emotional, almost too personal that for some others they would not tell anyone. You see, whatever you have gone through, there will always be something to learn, something to look back to when we are faced with the same problem: relationships. I actually made the same blog post. This time its about my father <>http://malou-alberto.blogspot.com/2011/03/missing-father.html>
ReplyDeleteThanks littleyana for your response.
DeleteI will have a read of your blog post as well.
I don't know, i am right now going through the same thing except for the beatings. My mom drinks and she works and holds down a job i love her. But she is at time's overbarring, rude, disrespectful, uncarring, mean, and hateful. The hardest part about living with someone who drinks in my opinion is feeling like i have to pick up after because right now i am not working as their is pretty much no work in California in the area which i live. I don't have any other family members that i can stay with so my situation really sucks right now. It could be better if i had a job and felt like i was moving towards goals such as getting my baby back from my ex that is abusive and beat me up. All i can say on the matter is people who drink all the time should not be allowed to keep their children as a child any child should not have to put up with a negative person in their life all the time constantly. Thanks you all god bless and my you find a way to leave the situation and go on to better time's, places, and people.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous
DeleteLife is not always easy and as you can see from some of the comments received on various posts on this blog, many of us have gone through (still going through) hard times and are doing our best to overcome those situations. Hopefully in time we can all turn our negatives into a positive.
I am sorry for what you are going through right now, and all I can say at this time is to not give up on any goals you have to make your life better. Thanks for you input on this post.
A wonderfully written and emotionally gripping post. Thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kris, hope it encourages someone somewhere, that a negative can be turned into a positive.
ReplyDeletePowerful stuff and kudos for coming away from the whole thing with the right lessons learned. Too many people don't
ReplyDeleteThanks Big D.
ReplyDeleteI swear sometimes it seems like you get your words from my head. Replace mother with father in this and you'll understand my relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteMy own relationship with my mother is pretty good. But I am sure I could glean some negatives to positives in that relationship as well. This is a great post. A bit sad, maybe because I feel I can relate so well. But it is also raw, and honest. It comes from the gut, and you know I like that.
I feel we have a lot of similarities in our lives too Jon. We both like it raw and from the gut, it's the only way, :)
DeleteYes, there were times when I felt that it was sad but I've done everything in my power to make this relationship with my mother work over many years, but there comes a time when you have to just let it go otherwise you'll be mentally tortured for the rest of your days. She is who she is, and I am who I am.
Thanks for checking this post out too Jon.
This reminds me of my Greeting Cards For The Dysfunctional Family. It really is hard to find just the right card for these occasions! She must have done something right because we have you!
ReplyDeleteThat's nice of you Mis Anthropy, You do have me, and for now I'm here to stay. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment :)
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