First of all, I need to make a very strong point before I start. I do not condone anything that a paedophile does in any way, shape or form. Paedophiles commit serious sexual offences against our vulnerable children. But I also on the other hand, feel that we have a responsibility to not play into their hands too. This is a long one.
Paedophiles are not people who stand out from the crowd, they do not bring attention to themselves, they blend in with society very well. They look like US, they come in all shapes and sizes, come from different backgrounds, male and female- yes females have their part in this too. Paedophiles are single, married, in relationships, have children and lead successful lives. In the last few days 76 people were arrested around the country in a police raid when a suspected internet paedophile ring was smashed.
Amongst those arrested were a pathologist, fireman, teacher, scout leader, computer programmer and government employees. Paedophile rings use highly sophisticated systems in order to hide what they are doing. They are not stupid people.
Parents, family members and friends play very important roles in a child's life.
It grieves me when I see children's clothes shops selling clothes that sexualize our children. The skimpy shorts/skirts, the cropped tops showing off the chest, bikinis that barely fit, sparkly make-up and nail varnish for children and high heels. These things may look cute in a shop but am I fair to say that children should be allowed to be 'children', and we should not be dressing them up as sexy adults? Could your child be bringing unwanted sexual attention to some sick people? Those shops are only in business because we buy from them. Do you really think about the gifts you buy for any child? This kind of cute don't cut it for me.
We seem to laugh at parties when a small child wearing provocative clothing emulates suggestive dances they have seen from watching sexually explicit images contained in a number of pop videos. It really isn't that funny. Isn't this effectively grooming the young generation, exposing them to age inappropriate images and behaviours and normalising what is effectively soft porn? Children act out what they see. If what they see is Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Beyonce or a rap video filled with strippers, how do we expect them to behave?
I often see extremley young children playing out on the streets during the evenings with no adult around. Ideal opportunity for stranger-danger. Where is your child tonight?
Some parents allow their children to sleep over at a friend's house. Have you ever really taken time to get to know the parents first? Or do you just see it as a chance to have a well earned break? Whilst your child is surfing the net, do you ever keep an eye on what they are doing? or are you happy just to know the child is keeping quiet whilst you watch part 2 of the reality show? Are you the type of parent that your child can discuss things with, or would they sooner confide in a friend if they felt uncomfortable about the way an adult was beginning to approach them? You should be their first port of call.
Do you make any effort to ensure that your childminder has an up to date Criminal Records Bureau check? Or are you too much in a hurry? in other words, the neighbour down the road will do!
If you just stopped and thought about what paedophiles actually do to children you may be a little more cautious. I know you can't be expected to stop every paedophile or child sex offender, and you can't be expected to be there at every turn. But the care you take could stop one person taking serious liberties against your child or someone else's.
Child sex offenders go to a lot of trouble to hide what they are doing, so why don't we spend the same amount of time and trouble protecting our children?
So let's safeguard our children against paedophiles.
I would be interested to hear your views, experiences and opinions on this.
We see a Paedophile a evidence of the downward slide of society and your reference to the sexualisation of children through fashion suggests this is a modern crime using modern methods to reach the young.
ReplyDeleteBut this is not a modern crime and has been part of most wicked and vile aspects of societies throughout history. All throughout the world today and throughout history this has gone on. So I am not sure that clothing, or technology, music videos or films are the root cause. They certainly do influence but are not the root.
Man in any culture is suseptable to evil and there is nothing new under the sun, sexual perversion has existed since man fell. So our focus should always remain on the protection at all times from the proprietors of evil.
But evil comes cloaked, so allowing your kid to stay out all night, wear those outfits and act all grown up is only the start of a risky road.
On the news they had those incidents about those Asian men from Rochdale grooming teenage white girls. As a parent you should really know who it is your kid is spending time with, children hanging out with grown ups of the opposite sex no matter the colour or culture should send signals.
Yes you are right to say that this is not a modern crime, it has been going on for quite a while throughout history. I think the root cause is based on the individual's thinking, whatever that may be BUT I also do feel that by dressing young people in such a provocative way does not help. I must also state that if a man decides to rape, he will rape, regardless to what you are wearing. My intention is to bring in the forefront how we dress some of our young children, in a way to provoke and/arouse possibly someone who did not have this initial intention at the time. But I fully understand your point.
ReplyDeleteI would like to take up the issue regarding the Asian men who groomed white girls. I can state as a fact this has happened. Whilst I was growing up in East London there was a period of time when white girls were bait for asian males because these men deemed them to be 'slack'. They were barely using them for sex.
I personally know of a couple of women who have had children as a result of this exact situation. The asian family have no idea that these children exist to date, as they are never introduced to their families. It is as if they are some dirty secret. The men have even got married and with new families and some are leading a double life. The children of these women know their fathers but nothing else, and that is how they live, so I have experience of how this has worked.
Regardless to society in London refuting this problem, it is going on and it needs to be discussed. I am not saying all asian males do this, but like I said, this has been happening for some time, both the media and society need to really catch up.
Thank you Anonymous for your comments.
What a great post! I agree with everything you said here. We must never give up this fight.
ReplyDeleteThanks Donna.
DeleteFor the first time in these discussions, I am speechless.
ReplyDeleteNot out of unawareness of the problem but because I have no experience about it.
Only can repudiate all those kinky selection we, as humans can make. Certainly Pedophilia is the worst because it deals with the most vulnerable tissue of our society.
As in all transgression from human being to the right way of life, this comes from far away and will, unfortunately, last until the las second of the Universe.
All other considerations, should be enhanced, from government to local organization to reduce the continuous growing of evil. In a way it seems as if we had bitten the apple again!
In my simplicity and naivety I think we will win in the end, but meanwhile, the pain and the misery will obtain its toll.
I really wish that this was a war we could truly win, but I doubt it very much or maybe I lack hope here. The authorities are doing what they can, but these types of 'paedophile rings' are extremely clever. The fact that it took over 40 police forces around the UK to arrest only 76 people says alot. In the meantime we can all play our part by continuing to safeguard children as much as possible. Thanks Untony.
DeleteThere are a lot of scary people out there. Children do need to be protected. I hear pedophilia is one of the hardest mental disorders to break -- a frightening thought. I'm with you on the clothing situation. Children should dress like children. And, though sad, people need to be cautious about anyone who has access to their child.
ReplyDeleteVery well said Janene. I saw a TV programme a number of years ago and they too stated that there is no cure for paedophiles. Even a couple of the offenders that they spoke to at the time stated that despite receiving different treatments, nothing worked and they would re-offend again. It very scary indeed.
DeleteThere is a famous, still unsolved child murder case here in the USA...Jon Benet-Ramsay. She was a 6 year old beauty pageant queen who was sexually assaulted and strangled in the basement of her own home. I worked with her step-sister. We currently have a show called "Toddlers and Tiaras" which highlights the daily lives of these tots and their parents. Each episode is a disturbing study in how some parents live vicariously through the "little monsters" they create, and one can only think it's fodder for pedophiles. I am thankful that my children and I grew up in an age where you got to be a kid for as long as possible, instead of being pushed to behave (prematurely) as an adult.
ReplyDeleteKris, you raised a very good point here about the beauty pageants for young children. I find it really bad how parents who should know better, parade their children around like raw meat on a shelf.
DeleteWe heard about this case of Jon Benet-Ramsay some time ago via the news on TV. I hate to think what her family/friends have all been through, and that this case is still unsolved. It just so sad. Thank you Kris.
Indeed,pedophilia is a mental illness which has no known cure. I believe they are not "created" by their circumstances. They are even incapable of the reasoning required to recognize that what they did is wrong. Likewise, the child cannot fully understand what is happening. So the best prevention would be teaching children to avoid situations that may promote pedophilic acts. Parenting is a necessity for any children.
ReplyDeleteLorinvenice
DeleteIf there really is no cure for paedophiles then much more emphasis needs to be placed on families to not only protect the children but also teach the child what to do if they are approached in a way that is uncomfortable. Thanks for comment.
Excellent post for a serious problem. I believe that parents do play the greatest role in stemming this tide. NO matter what safeguards the legal authorities put in place, they cannot compensate for laxity on the part of parents.
ReplyDeleteChildren by nature are so innocent and trusting. It grieves me that there are sixk people out there who are bent on violating that innocence of vulnerable children. That's why parents must be relentless in safeguarding their children, if we are to have any hope of winning this vicious war.
You are so right in all that you said here. Thanks Frank.
DeleteThis is a very difficult subject to write about, so I applaud you for taking it on. I've been meaning to write about it myself, but it's a subject that is almost impossible to research, so one is left with what you read in the media, and some of this information is misleading at best. For example, "paedophilia" is defined by professionals as "having sexual feelings towards prepubescent children", and it would be my contention that the majority of paedophiles not only do not act on these urges but also are horrified that they have them [and it's not the kind of problem you can take to your doctor]. In my book, once someone commits a sexual offence against a child, they stop being a paedophile and become a sexual predator with a predilection for children.
ReplyDeleteThis is a subject that needs to be discussed, although it's the kind of subject that most people would prefer not to talk about. How prevalent is paedophilia? And is it a problem if a paedophile doesn't act on their sexual urges?
Actually you do have a good point here and I've learnt something because there is a difference in a sexual predator and paedophile (as you stated). In my post I used the word 'child sex offender' as well, because something was bugging me at the time, but I didn't know why. So thanks for that Dennis.
DeleteYou are right about having these discussions, and the BIG question is exactly what you have stated. "Is it a problem if a paedophile doesn't act on their sexual urges?".
Now you've got me thinking. I'm sure you could do a really good post about this.
Difficult subject ! Paedophilia is sickness with no cure. So a paedophile is not going to quit acting by that sick urge.
ReplyDeleteI'm not having kids and probably won't for years or at all, but if I did, then I wanted to be aware of with what type of people my child hangs out with or in the Internet. Also about what they are wearing.
The beauty pageants for toddlers are compleately reprehensible from my pointwiew for being very harmful for the kids mentally and also for dressing the kids like adults, which is for paedopliles very pernicious.
Amethyst
DeleteEven if you don't have children, I know that you would look out for children of your family and friends as well. Liked your comment as well, thanks.
Well reasoned and true. Vigilance is compulsory in this day and age, when paedophilia is a major problem starting from Hollywood. Each of us also bears the responsibility of being our children's keepers, guarding their innocence, decency and modesty, rather than exposing them to trends that sexualize. As you wrote, children should be allowed to be children.
ReplyDeleteThanks Untonyto, we have to take on the responsibility even if we don't like to in order to safeguard our children.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of interesting as a person who has suffered at the hands of one of these people I have no problems with the punishments they have to endure
ReplyDeleteThanks Premar16. I have just heard on the news that a farmer from Texas, USA beat a man to death because he heard his 5 year old daughters screams in a field and found a man raping her. Her injuries were consistent with a sexual assault and he will not be prosecuted. I feel grieved for what this man witnessed.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that the children store and the children clothes fashion designers do have a fault in the society. By designing and selling children clothes that are inappropriate for children is the same as supporting paedophiles.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your views Grysh.
DeleteRPD, I have two quick things to say, besides how much I love the article. One was just personal experiences, I remember eating at a Sonic one time, and there was this 8 to 10 year old girl wearing a Hooters shirt, which I don't know if you have over there in England, but yeah, its...a rather over sexualized restaurant. It wasn't one of their uniforms, just had the emblem printed on it. And I just couldn't believe that a parent could do that to a child, especially in this world.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing is, after reading this, you need to watch a movie called The Woodsman. It stars Kevin Bacon, and is NOT for the faint of heart. He stars as a convicted pedophile that has served his time in prison and is back out in the world. You need to watch the deleted scenes as well, but yeah, I was completely blown away by the movie, because it doesn't glamorize it, or anything, and it gives you a glimpse into this small world, where shame and hatred of self mix with urges we often can't control.
Thanks Dan. There is a point to made about how parents dress their children these days, and the blame also lies with the manufactures who make these inappropriate clothes in the first place.
DeleteI would love to see the film The Woodsman as it sounds really interesting. I'll try to hunt it down at my end. It's good to always have an insight in these things. Thanks so much for commenting here Dan.