I've been thinking about how King Edward VIII gave up the throne of England to marry Wallis Simpson. He had no doubt there would be scandal, he didn't care she was divorced, and he knew she would never be accepted by the Royal family and possibly the British people, but despite the consequences he truly loved her and put her first. The man abdicated and left it all behind.
With Valentine's Day fast approaching, the word love is being branded about everywhere. Roses for the sweethearts, chocolates for the sweet-toothed, diamonds for the engagements, hearts all over the place right now in more ways than one. Some people will be showered in gifts this year but aren't these things just material objects that are easy to buy?
Edward the VIII gave up more than just a title, and many curse him to this day for dereliction of duty. How can we really tell if someone loves us?
How do you measure true love?
What is your concept of romance?
What is the best demonstration of love you can think of?
Has anyone ever shown their love to you in an exceptional way? Please feel free to share your romantic stories, views and opinions.
True love... It's a tough subject to address in a simple comment. To me "true love" was both the best feeling ever, and one of the most devastating blows of my life. I'm sure I could write a post of my own all about it. And probably will someday.
ReplyDeleteRomance is a little different than love, but they definitely go hand and hand. Romancing your love can be a lot of fun, and very rewarding in a relationship. But it can also be very hard to keep it up, and keep it fresh. But I think if your love is strong enough, and you know each other well enough, you can always find a way to romance.
I think the best demonstration of love is probably a willingness to sacrifice. Whether it be an emotional sacrifice, a material sacrifice, giving up power or position, sacrificing your safety, or even your life. A willingness to give of yourself for the benefit or well being of your love is the best demonstration of real love.
And yes I have been loved in exceptional ways. I feel privileged to be able to say so. I don't have a specific example to give here, there are many to choose from. But as I said earlier, I will probably get deeper into this on my own blog someday in the future.
To me, Valentines Day is a faux holiday that reeks of commercial materialism. I have never liked the day myself. But that's just me, romance should be an everyday thing.
Dude... Good Comment post. I agree with you. Well said, Slu
DeleteGood to hear from you Jon. Loved the way you explained this, I feel very similar to you and I've been fortunate enough to experience what I call real love with sacrifice. It can be hard keeping it fresh in a relationship, but little romantic gestures every now and again, with little surprises always does the trick and doesn't cost a thing.
DeleteI can't wait to read your post about this too, as I know it will come directly from the heart. Get writing Jon, I'm excited now :)
My wife and I have a long series of running jokes in our relationship, one of which is "You never buy me any flowers". Well, one day we were in our local supermarket just before closing, and bunches of flowers were being sold off at 10p each. Naturally, I bought a bunch. Now the running joke is about "10p flowers". It's not that I'm nagged about this, because we both see the funny side, but my wife knows that I will never buy her flowers now, because that would be the end of the joke.
ReplyDeleteNone of this answers the question: what is love? All I can say is that my wife and I have a depth of feeling for each other that would have been beyond my imagination 25 years ago. As for Valentine's Day, the only significance of the date for me is that it was my mother's birthday. Any association of the date with romance is, for us, an illusion. I would even go so far as to say that romance itself is a load of sentimental tosh that has no place in a mature relationship.
Thanks Dennis, there's no pleasing a woman. Damned if you do and damned if you don't, ha ha ha ha. I just love this type of banter in a relationship though. You see couples who have been married for years and they are always picking on each other and making accusations, but it's all done in gest. That's what I call romance in their marriage.
DeleteHave you been married for 25 years Dennis? If so, congratulations because many people don't even get past the 5 year mark.
Hard question. When two people spend all they lives together.
ReplyDeleteIt's rare. I wish I had it but it didn't happen.
Thank you for the kind comment you left me.
Love,
Ana
Thanks Ana, as long as you have breath in your body, it's never to late, I say. Sometimes love is staring us in the face but we just don't know it yet. I'm not making any promises but we don't know what tomorrow may bring.
DeleteMy friend spent all her life in England and didn't find the right person. She left everything in the UK to start a new job abroad, not even looking for romance and within 2 years she was married to the love of her life.
I really like the legend of King Edward VIII. For me he knew what he wanted. That's true love bmo.
ReplyDeleteI think a true love is different from "possession". Someone can love each deeply other without possessing each other. True love, for me, marked by the accepting/admiring of a person as a whole.
By looking back my life, I recall some people who truly loved me but chose not stay with me, on the other hand, someone stayed with me but did not truly love me that much. But still, hard to tell exactly. Human feeling is something so complicated to understand clearly.
Yun Yi, you raised an important issue about love being different from possession. Too many times I hear of people who are over-bearing and controlling in relationships and they hide their bad behavior under the name of 'love'. Love does not work that way.
DeleteLove can come and go, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Human feelings is one hell of a big subject but I know what you mean.
How romantic! I love the reminder of a good love story about a man who became willing to give up everything for a woman. Not to sound cynical...but does this really exist? We all are willing participants and certainly most of us are always in pursuit, regardless of the risk. Very good post :)
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I still believe that love like this exists today but it's not something we always get to hear about very often. Sometimes it's only when tragedy strikes that we get to hear what one person did for another in the name of love. If King Edward could have had love and crown without issue, we would be none the wiser in what he would have given up for Mrs Simpson. Thanks for the comment.
DeleteFor me, this year's Valentine's Day is just another day of exams. :)
ReplyDeleteI’ve been in love, I mean really in love, only once.
That guy was really sweet, he actually wrote poems for me and songs that he played to me and did many many other things to demonstrate his love, it was almost too much haha. He even talked about marrying (definitely too early!). Anyway, in the end he said he didn’t love me anymore.
What I’m trying to say is that there is no best demonstration of love, there’s not the one way to show someone you love him or her and probably you can’t measure love.
I have to confess, I’m a romantic, sort of, and I really love romantic stories. But also being realistic I would say there is no best demonstration or best concept.
Having said all this, I also have to say that I’m still young and I know there’s a lot I have yet to experience, so I’m not sure if any of this is right or if I know anything about true love yet. :)
You may be young kleopatra, but who can deny that you haven't been in love? Love doesn't just happen to older people with experience, I believe in can happen at any time in your life, and only that person will know when they are in love, just like you did.
DeleteThanks again for taking the time to comment.
Love is the highest ideal to live up to - and the hardest to capture in its truest form. When I think of love, I think of Mother Teresa, or Jesus - loving despite the lack of return or response, despite the 'worthiness' of the one being loved. I must admit to my total failure so often in this true love category - I am more likely to love with the expectation of a response. I can only imagine a world in which the instinct is always to act in accordance of what is best for the other party. What wars would have been circumvented? What relationships and partnerships solidified? How would history read if Love had been the highest ideal, rather than the bottom line or personal pride? If I can become a Lover, will my little world change??
ReplyDeleteI think many people do think that love is about expecting something in return, as we live in a very materialistic society nowadays. Love has a price for some, and the more you pay the higher the love so to speak. Those scenarios usually end quickly in tears and I'm sure the day after Valentine will be challenging for some.
DeleteAs usual Melody, you've asked some poignant questions. I live to love better.
Great subject, RPD. True love is immeasurable. It's a feeling, not a set of conditions. The best demonstration of love to me is having the courage to love in the first place, the results of which are always exceptional.
ReplyDeleteCourage is a big word here, because you have to allow yourself to drop all your barriers to fully give yourself to someone else, and that's not an easy thing to do, with the knowledge that someone else may take advantage of your heart. You just have to be self-less, not self-ish, and say to yourself 'I'm going to love with all my heart and expect nothing'. Thanks Helena.
DeleteTrue love is very difficult to define and it also morphs over time. The love I have for hubb now is so much different to the love I had for him 25 years ago. The love is still very much there - it is just a totally different type of love. I have also been given so many presents over the years - some which included loads of diamonds even. But the best valentines gift I ever got from hubby was a letter he wrote to me about 13/14 years ago telling me how great I was and what a great mom I was. No idea where it is now but every word is burnt into the back of my head.
ReplyDeleteWow, 25 years and still in love Lanthie. That's really nice to hear. No doubt presents are nice, but a word spoken from the heart is always better in my book. All those years later and you can still remember what he said, and I'm sure it gives you a lump in the throat at times. Tell your hubbie that Rum Punch Drunk said to buy you a nice bottle of wine on my behalf, you did him proud:)
DeleteThanks for your comment Lanthie.
My man... Seems like a simple subject. Actually, very difficult.
ReplyDeleteI am now married to my 3rd wife (just over 13 years now).
#1: We were married at 19... way too young.
#2: We were married, each on our 2nd marriage, but in the end and 12 years later, our personalities were just too different (but we had an amazing son together).
#3: We met on a blind date and I truly think it was love at first site, as they say. 11 months later, we were married. And today, our marriage is stronger than ever. I always say, she is my life, she says she is my "wife for life." And for our marriage to "thrive" with her 3 kids all these years, holy smokes, that says something. They made it tough along the way. But, I love each of them dearly (now). If possible, I would do anything for her. At age 42 (when we met), and 2 marriages behind me, I just "knew" she was the "right one" and I believe she would say the same. I'm blessed.
Seriously, Jon, from above, pretty much nails it as far as I am concerned. I absolutely agree with pretty much everything he says. I do send flowers though on occasion, even for Valentine's Day, but NEVER ON Valentine's Day... I never want her standing there "expecting" flowers on a given day. If I send them, it is always when she would not be expecting them.
Good subject... tough to answer. Take care, Slu
Interesting Slu, because I'm just thinking. Would you say that you truly loved your other 2 wives at the time, but you fell out of love? Or would you say that you never loved them but rather you now know what love is with your 3rd wife? As I always say to everyone, you don't have to answer any personal questions, I just wanted to know.
DeleteI love how you send her flowers randomly. I think that's part of keeping the romance fresh because she never knows when to expect a nice treat. Nice one and thanks for the comment Slu.
Wives #1 & 2: I certainly loved, but I'll be honest... The love I have enjoyed with #3 is just different. And that may be that we are just so perfect together and enjoy each other so much. She truly is the "love of my life."
DeleteGotcha, thanks Slu
DeleteTo love someone is to trust wholly, to be willing to do ANYTHING to bring joy into this person's life. It means being willing to give 100% of yourself to someone and making sacrifices because their needs come first. Love is when you stand by someone through not only the best of times but the very worst of times as well. Without a strong foundation to begin with, the house will crumble When I was young, Valentine's Day meant chocolates, roses and champagne as a declaration of love. Now that I am older and wiser, I see the commercialization in it and it no longer interests me. Declarations of love do not need to be displayed only on a special holiday---love should be shown in every way, every day. And the biggest love of all can be found in the smallest gestures. We need only to open our eyes to see it.
ReplyDeletewell said...
DeletePerfectly said Menopausal mama, perfectly said.
DeletePS - I'm still voting for you every day, Mama!
A good question my friend. I gave up everything for the love of a woman who had suffered sexual abuse which impacted her daily life. I loved her and understood that our relationship would be mostly platonic.
ReplyDeleteOur one blessed child, who now lives with me, was a rather timed, clinical event. And when I was on the verge of a total breakdown, the woman I loved, the woman who didn't want sex, got pregnant again, yet I wasn't the father of the child.
Despite this, despite all that transpired through some traumatic times, my love, my trying to understand, never falters.
Peace be with you and I'm grateful for your thoughtful comment on my site.
In kindness and good wishes,
Gary
My heart goes out to you Gary. Without a doubt you have been through a lot. Sometimes we will never understand why people do the things they do, we just have to live with it.
DeleteOne thing I will always say. You kept you part in the bargain. You were honorably, respectful and stayed loyal. One day, she'll remember that, they always do. Don't lose your standard in love. Thanks so much for your comment.
Thank you for reminding us Valentines Day is coming up. I have to go get my daughter some Valentines Candy. :)
ReplyDeleteMy Pleasure. I recommend marsh mellows.
DeleteMy husband stopped wearing his bike shorts for me. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteJulie
Whatever floats your boat baby! course it does, especially if it was a sacrifice for him, ha ah ah
DeleteSometimes people find that one person - just that one who makes their world turn. Most of us aren't like that. We find love but not love like King Edward VIII. My husband shows his love by staying beside me through all my bouts with illness, for making sure I don't need anything and getting me the things that mean the most. But we don't do Valentine gifts for each other anymore and that was something we both agreed on. The best Valentine gift he ever gave me? Letting me get a butterfly tattoo and sitting with me while I got it. It was something I had always wanted.
ReplyDeleteSome peoples love is shown by what they are prepared to abandon, other peoples love is shown in the way they stand firm. Through thick and thin, and in sickness and health. Sounds like you got a good one there. Thanks Donna.
DeleteLove is sticking with the person you care for through thick and thin, even when times are tough. Valentines Day is once a year, while real love is all year long. Show it every day and not just one day that is really pushed by Hallmark!
ReplyDeleteSo true Phil. It's an everyday thing throughout the year. Without that day in day out commitment, Valentines Day is worth nothing. Thanks Phil.
DeleteI think what Edward the VIII did was true love, although I understand there are people who think that giving up his throne was a dereliction of duty. I would put love over duty, and that’s not an easy thing to do.
ReplyDeleteMy concept of romance and love is not in the gifts one receives (although I do love flowers and chocolates), it’s in the way you treat someone you love, the way you freely give your heart. One good demonstration of love would be the sacrifices a parent makes for a child out of love. And I thought of another example from a TV report I just saw. I’m sure you’ve heard about the awful shooting at a movie theatre in Colorado last July. There are four women alive today because their boyfriends sacrificed their own lives to save them. One woman was blocked from the immediate gunfire because her boyfriend threw himself in front of her and he took all the bullets; she was not injured at all. That is true love. He thought of his loved one first, not himself.
About romantic stories, well, love is a mystery (as Annie Off Leash wrote in a recent and excellent post), and maybe one only finds true love once in a blue moon. Happy Valentine's Day to you!
"Greater love has no man than this, that he laid down his life for his friends". There is no greater love, they gave up everything. Thanks JerseyLil for reminder of this.
DeleteLove is a small word with the most deep meaning and elaboration. It can never be defined exactly!
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is the one who actually taught me to Love. He stood with me when everybody left, and even when I could not understand his love and feeling.
The thing which he did for me was, " He skipped attending the marriage of his real uncle, just because I went to visit him for 4 5 days." Later I saw his family photograph which had everyone except him. Even everybody were disappointed with him for not going.
Another thing I did for him was, "I went to visit him on his birthday by train(8 hours journey) without letting my family know and we celebrated his birthday at mid night and in the early morning I left for my place. "" I know it was hell risky, but was worth taking for. :p
Thanks for sharing your experience and view of what love is Esabella. As someone completely outside of your situation and from a different culture, you've got me really curious... why didn't you let your family know you celebrated his birthday together? What would be the harm in that? I'm dying to know, but please don't answer if you don't want to and thanks for your comment.
DeleteVery interesting indeed RPD so what is love? how many times I have heard this question! (by coincidence Cass and me talked about the subject last night, we might have our flaws but we stood together for 9 years now full of smiles and a bit of tears). One must be able to respect before loving if you cannot respect you can't love (at least this is how I think it). To love someone is to give this other person what you are, all that you are, with wrong and good that one might have, love known s no boundaries and no borders (I have come a long way to say this trust me).
ReplyDeleteMy concept for romance? The smallest of gesture, a smile, a hug that comes spontaneously to understand the other and respect the choices one makes.
Have anyone showed me love in an exceptional way.... yes....Cass did, I have been a complete idiot many times but she never gave up on us, she stood there waiting and giving me all that she is.
sometimes I think we were to young to start this kind of relation, but then again we did not choose to! it happened! and I am grateful to have met such a wonderful girl!.
I can see these are words borne out of experience and they come from the heart. I agree that giving of yourself is the essence of the issue, because when you give yourself everything else is included.
DeleteGood, heartfelt, words! And thank you for the comment Hotei.
First, let me go on record saying that valentine's day is not something I will ever celebrate. Planning romance by the calendar is about as unromantic as can be.
ReplyDeleteI am not a romantic person, and C is not. Probably one of the reasons we get on well. We are both fairly practical people, and flowery gestures to me are just awkward. Like dating. People behaving as they would not normally to make an impression. I prefer reality. I know Chris loves me, and I know that he knows I love him. The best demonstration of that is we make decisions based on us having and continuing our life together. They are not always the easy personal decisions, but based on US. Best for us is not always what is best for me, or for C at a given moment, but best for us either now or in the long run. I guess in my very unromantic mind I think making decisions based on the assumption that we will still have a life together in another 10 years is very practical-romantic, if there is such a thing.
Jamie, you've come up with a word to sum up the experience of many - Practical-Romantic. I love it! I mean, who says that love has to be all castles in the air? At some point, for a relationship to last you need to stand with your feet on the ground and look at the real world. Good point Jamie, and thanks for sharing your views.
DeleteAll the very grand things Chris has done for our relationship: coming out to his family, supporting my ass through school, putting up with my crazy family, hells, putting up with me;)He may not be romantic, but he puts it where it counts.
DeleteI guess you remember my distinction about love, Love and LOVE. I wrote a post about that. In my viewpoint, as our dear Prince of Denmark, Hamlet, was reported by the Bard to say before dying: "The rest is silence". :)
ReplyDeleteBTW, I have chosen you to receive The Liebster Award, because you deserve it more then anyone I know. Of course, this means you must do some irrelevant things.
Please, visit famelesswritings.blogspot.com for details.
Hope I didn't do anything to pester you, if I did, please be lenient with me and just ignore me! The last thing I want is to bother you!
Thank you, my dear friend.
Yes, love is a very big word and embraces so much that just one definition way not be wide enough to stretch that far.
DeleteSecondly, now that Bloggers no longer has an PM service, how can I reach you with a message in response to your kind offer of the Liebster award? Please let me know so I can write to you.
You have definitely never pestered or bothered me Od Liam, I just love hearing from you :)
"What is love after all but trusting in the unknown." I guess that aphorism of mine sums up my sense of love. There are no guarantees. Love is always a risk, but one takes it for the sake of love.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your views on this NP. We all have a slightly different take on love.
DeleteOh god, if I could define love I'd make a fortune! People have tried for millennia.
ReplyDeleteBut Kellie, isn't it much better just to experience it? Love is it's own reward! But then again talking about it is such fun whether we can all agree or not. Thanks Kellie.
DeleteMan, that Edward VIII was really in love, wasn't he. I do think people refuse romance with true love these days. Love is a much higher calling. For instance, the Bible says that "men ought to love their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28). To me, that's a heavy duty statement. I have seen my share of couples in which one person (normally the man) is so in love with himself that he will never know what true love for another person is. Love is where the rubber really hits the road. Romance, while exciting, can be much more superficial.
ReplyDeleteYour words are profound Frank. The essence of love is putting the loved one before even your own self. Romance seems to allow room for a little more convenience.
DeleteSurely this is why so many of the people commenting on this topic seem mistrustful of jewelry and material gifts. What everyone seems to want is for a person to give themselves. But that's a high price to pay, one that only love will give. Thanks Frank.
Was wondering if you could contact me via my e-mail for a quick question... Thanks, Slu
ReplyDelete1120slu@gmail.com
Just sent you an email Slu.
DeleteThis story depicts the true meaning of a fairy tale (which I believe in). Most folks think that a Fairy Tale is defined by the Happily Ever After but the truth is what appeals to me about a fairy tale is the length that Prince Charming is willing to go to, to be with his one true love. The same can be said of Edward the VIII. The only problem is when this type of love only goes one way which is what I experienced with my ex-husband. I left everything behind (my job, family, friends, belongings and way of life) to follow him to his country because I loved him but this was not reciprocated. In the case of Edward the VIII it was, Wallis Simpson faced humiliation and hatred of the people to be with Edward. I think this exemplifies the true meaning of love. Valentine's Day is based on lies and just brings up more longing and discontent for those who have unfortunately not found what King Edward the VIII gave up a Kingdom for.
ReplyDeleteTrue love doesn't ask for anything in return and sadly, it is often the case that people love without being loved back. The one person continues about their daily business without any regard, or even takes advantage whilst the genuine person suffers like a dog, so to speak.
DeleteThis is the reality. Love can be your dream or fairy tale come true, or a painful nightmare. Sometimes people never know what they've got until it's gone, then it's too late to retrieve. Thanks for sharing your views Gail.
True love for me is loving someone unconditionally with no judgements or resentment. Accepting one another the way each person is as long as there is no hurting or controlling on either part. Growing, making mistakes, learning together and so much more. Great Post!
ReplyDeleteMadison:-)
Thanks My Meddling Mind and loved the comment.
DeleteThank you for drawing our attention to the things that love is not. This is the other side of the coin, isn't it? As Paul from the good book said - love does NOT envy, love does NOT parade itself, is NOT puffed up; does NOT behave rudely, does NOT seek its own, is NOT provoked, thinks NO evil; does NOT rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails - I feel that that's a good guideline to abide by, if you know what I mean.
True love for us is waking up together every morning after thirty one years and enjoying each new day more than the few thousand days behind us!
ReplyDeleteHappy Valentine's Day to all!
Wow Jackie, 31 years. That's a mile-stone in anyones book. A big congratulations to you both. You've got to share the secrets of your success Jackie.
DeleteLove stands the test of time. They say that's the difference between love and infatuation. Don't forget to share those tips and thanks for your comment.
difficult questions... love is love... LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, Love move the world... ciao
ReplyDeleteAnd the Italians are the experts in it, ha ha ha. Thanks for your comment Massimo.
DeleteI really don't know. Hahaha. Difficult questions but you can only answer this if you experience loving someone.
ReplyDeleteI guess you have a point, because sometimes we don't know our reactions until we experience love ourselves. We then decide what we would do or not do for it. Welcome Aiashine.
DeleteI love that drawing. Nice picture.
ReplyDeleteBut what do you think about the post Angelikas. What would you do for love?
DeleteI would say that his need to abdicate says more about our archaic system of royal etiquette than it does about anything else. Fair play to him for doing it, but it should not have been necessary. Although, having said that, their dalliance with the German high command could have been more subtle.
ReplyDeleteNice post.
ps - for your perusal - http://www.standard.co.uk/news/how-wallis-simpson-would-have-been-a-nazi-queen-of-england-6439450.html
ReplyDeleteSurely, a major function of royalty in the constitutional democracy is to play a conservative with a small 'c' role. Thanks dalecooper57.
DeleteI'll check out your link later.
True love for me is meeting in the middle. Where both go the same distance. I was shocked at how many times a relationship would crash because one person would just give up, leave the other holding it all, trying to support it all.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I knew this one was the one, because we talked, we worked it out. There was understanding, even if the understanding was just knowing that one needed to learn to trust in a new way.
The true love gambit comes with trials of things falling apart, and both have to put it back together, else it will not stay together.
True love is pushing the other to excel, no matter the hardship to yourself. I've seen too many excellent athletic prospects give up scholarships to major universities because the girlfriend back home misses them.
Its not what you give up that means anything, its how you do what you do with the other person.
Very well said and true Dan. It takes two to tango otherwise it's all over.
Deletenice love
ReplyDeleteFor me, true love is characterized by actually feeling each other's joys and sorrows, successes and disappointments, pleasures and pains - and where you would consistently make sacrifices to maximize the former and minimize the latter.
ReplyDeleteI like this definition. Loving the other person as you love yourself.
DeleteThanks for commenting and welcome to my Blog.